Restless Nights
by Drive all night
Summary: Sometimes life is just one long fight...a fight to love and a fight to live...#Burzek
1. Blood in the Truck

**Okay...I was unsure if I was going to post this story. It was written a while ago, back at the end of season 3 when my like for Burgess was at an all time low. It has been hard to work out the ending & I don't tend to post a story until I know how it ends. Anyway I hope you enjoy the next #Burzek story...**

 _Once we ran and lived as one_  
 _In another world, my little one_  
 _Where whispering trees and dark rivers run - Restless Nights, Bruce Springsteen_

Voight waited as long as he could. They always came in in dribs and drabs but generally within ten minutes everyone was in, at their desks and making a start on the day. "Where's Ruzek?" he asked the room as he pulled the whiteboard towards the centre of the room ready to dive head long into a new case. At the very least he expected that you told one person if you were meeting a CI or were going to be late. That way they could cover all bases. This wasn't the safest job in the world nor did you spend your time chit chatting to fine upstanding Chicago citizens.

"Haven't seen him." Al muttered as he grabbed his phone. "I'll give him a call." He was surprised that it went straight to voice mail. He shrugged at Voight as he left a message. "Hey kid, you're late. Let us know where you are at."

They started on the case and Voight handed out the jobs and Ruzek still hadn't shown up and that was very unlike him. Even with all the shit that had gone on with Burgess this year he had never been late, if anything he worked harder than ever. Voight had noticed it, as had others higher up and they been impressed with his attitude and dedication, the guy had his head screwed on. When they temporarily pulled his badge he'd told Trudy that he was 'worth it' when she stuck her neck out to get him re-instated and he honestly believed that. Only once had he asked him to get his head in the game and he never gave him another cause to be concerned. Until today.

Platt saw Burgess approaching from the corner of her eye as she dealt with the man in front of her. She got him to sign some paperwork and asked him to take a seat over by the wall. "I will get someone to have a quick chat to you." She slid the evidence bag under the signed paperwork as Burgess leant on the desk.

Kim thought she recognised the wallet, but it was a pretty common looking brown leather wallet. Well worn and battered but it felt familiar. Coupled with the fact that Platt obviously did not want her to see it made her heart skip a beat. "What's that?" she asked casually.

"Nothing to worry your pretty little head about." Platt handed her some Patrol keys. "Jones is waiting for you." She nodded at her new partner, slid her glasses back on and returned to her paperwork. Jones was eager and enthusiastic. He was straight out of the Academy and Platt had already warned him to keep it in his pants because it would be the quickest way to get tossed out of the 21st. She wasn't having that nightmare again and she'd already had enough 'offers' to partner with Burgess. Burgess had been mortified because Platt, as only she could had not bothered to wait until Burgess was out of earshot. This reputation was not going to be easy to shake so Jones seemed like the kind of rookie who would not put a foot out of line.

As soon as Burgess was well out of the building she picked up the evidence bag and turned it over in her hand several times trying to get a feel for it and what secrets it may hold before grabbing the phone and calling upstairs. "Hank. Is Ruzek upstairs? I haven't seen him come through."

"No." he muttered. This was one sure way to piss him off. He better have a damn good reason, he was one man short with a fresh drug case gone bad sitting on their whiteboard. "Hasn't turned up and not answering his phone."

"That's because I have his phone and wallet downstairs."

Voight sat forward in his chair a little. "What do you mean?"

"Someone has just bought them in. They found them dumped in a vacant lot."

"Who bought them in?"

"Said his name's John Weadon, he's here waiting. Do you want to chat to him?"

Voight bounded down the stairs and together with Platt they had a talk took him through to the vacant office in the foyer and got as much info as they could. Location, time, what he did when he found them, anything he noticed in the area? It was reasonably close to Ruzek's apartment, three blocks away but nothing jumped out at them.

Platt folded her arms across her chest as Voight leant back in the chair and scratched his chin thoughtfully once she had showed the man out. "What are you thinking? She asked.

"Not sure yet." They tried to turn the phone on but the battery was dead. "I'll get Mouse to charge it up and run a GPS track on it and see where he has been. I might send Al and Antonio over to check out his place. Have you seen Burgess? Maybe she knows something?"

"Doubt it. She told me just a day or two ago that he had pretty much shut her out since the whole Roman thing." Platt slipped her hands into her pockets. "They aren't all buddy buddy that's for sure."

Now back upstairs Voight stood at the top of the stairs until everyone stopped what they were doing and looked up at him. "Platt has just handed over a wallet and phone that was found abandoned in a vacant lot downtown. It's Ruzek's." An eerie silence fell over the bullpen, something just felt wrong about this. Something he wasn't able to put his finger on just yet. He handed the phone to Mouse. "Battery's flat. Charge it up & find out where he's been. Also run a background on this guy." He handed Mouse the name of the man who bought in Adam's wallet and phone.

Al had got out of his chair, the hair stood up on the back of his neck. He wasn't quite sure why at this stage. "Al, take Antonio and check out his place. Atwater check out his diary, see if he's got anything on, any cases he's been working on. Check his CI's, I want to know if he's met up with anyone recently. Go back two weeks, if that gives you nothing, go back further." He asked Halstead and Lindsay to stay on the current case on the board. "Until we know more we need to keep on top of this." He pointed to the board when Lindsay started to protest about its importance.

"What's your gut say?" Antonio followed Al out to the car park.

"Something's not right, but I don't know what." They checked out his place and nothing looked out of order. It looked like it always did; he was a surprising neat freak. Apart from a small period of time when he crawled into a dark hole when Burgess dumped him and the place went to shit he kept it pretty clean and tidy. And that's how it looked now. He hadn't made his bed but that was about it.

He had some case files on the kitchen table so they grabbed those to take back to the District. Even the neighbours hadn't seen or heard anything. He left for work yesterday morning and hadn't been back since. His car bay was empty though, so finding his truck was going to be the first priority.

"Hey Mouse." Antonio called it in. "Can you run a check on Ruzek's truck. It's not here."

Once they were all back Voight made the call. "I've handed off the other case back to Narcotics. For the time being we are focussed on this. We need to find Ruzek."

One by one Voight spoke to each of them trying to gauge his state of mind. Nothing was off the table at this stage including self-harm. "No way." Atwater shook his head and he was actually offended by the suggestion. "Sure he was gutted by the Burgess Roman thing but he's not like that. He'd accepted it, was getting back out there. He was good."

Suddenly Mouse piped up. His phone had given them nothing so far; the sim card was missing so that was going to take some time. "We've got his truck. Patrol called it in. Abandoned near the Rail Yards just off Canal St." He sent the address to all their phones and they were up and out the door in an instant.

Burgess heard the call come over the radio and she felt her stomach fall. The description of the truck matched one that was so familiar to her, the make, the colour and the number plate. "Can you repeat that Dispatch?" she asked.

She wasn't hearing things. Her partner looked at her and noticed that she had gone pale and her knuckles turned white as she gripped the steering wheel. "What is it?"

"I know that truck." It barely came out as a squeak.

"How?"

"It's…" she swallowed hard at the bile that was rapidly rising in her throat. "It belongs to Ruzek."

"Dude from Intelligence?" Jones had only been at the 21st three days so had barely had the chance to get to know anyone. Everyone knew about Intelligence though, even at the Academy if you got assigned to the 21st the first thing you heard about was the Intelligence Unit and it's reputation for never quite playing by the rules.

"Yep." She called Dispatch. "Do they need patrol assistance?"

"Negative. Patrol is already on scene." Whatever happened after that she did not know as no more calls came over the radio and every call of hers went unanswered. She tried Kevin, Lindsay and even, in desperation Platt. Not one of them answered her call.

'What's the deal?" Jones asked her. Kim could barely think. "I've known him awhile, he's…." she stuttered. "..a good friend. I used to work quite a bit with Intelligence." Jones just nodded; sure he was just a friend, that's why she looked like she was about to vomit?

'Not anymore?"

"Probably because I haven't really had a solid partner for a while. Voight's pretty choosey with who he uses." It wasn't a complete lie, Voight didn't bring just anyone up into Intelligence and the fact that she had been rotating partners recently it wasn't a surprise she'd been overlooked. That's what she tried to convince herself anyway when in reality she knew it was because of the way things had ended with Adam.

Two Patrol officers were standing watch. "What you got?" Voight asked as he approached the truck, his heart sinking the closer he got. The driver side door was open and it was parked haphazardly. It was never a good sign.

"Keys in the ignition, engines' cold though and…" the nervous officer stole a quick look at the entire Intelligence team standing before him and they did not look like they were in the mood to be polite. "..Blood in the truck and on the ground."


	2. You Made Your Choice

"Excuse me Sergeant." Burgess knocked on Voight's door. Thankfully Platt was not at her desk when she got back to the District because she would have never let Kim slip past up into Intelligence. No one was currently in the Bullpen and for that she was grateful, only Voight was in his office.

His back was to the door and he swung around to face Burgess. "How can I help you?"

"Adam?" She asked nervously.

"What about him?" He had discussed it with both Platt and Atwater, who was closet to him in the Unit and they had decided that Burgess did not need to be involved nor kept in the loop. Platt had argued that she would want to know but Voight had been adamant that they kept it in house and the less people who knew the better. Atwater knew that Adam was trying to move on from their relationship so that meant he had stepped away from Burgess completely and didn't talk to her or about her.

"Is he in trouble?"

Voight dropped the file he was reading on the table and folded his arms across his chest. "You tell me."

"I don't know, but that was his truck that the alert was out on wasn't it."

Voight nodded. "Any ideas?"

"No. We haven't really talked much lately." Burgess had her hands clasped tightly behind her back, mainly so that Voight would not see them shaking. In reality they hadn't talked in a long time not really and that had been her fault. The last reason conversation they had, if you could call it that was the day in the locker room when he told her that he had her back, whatever she needed and then she'd just shattered his heart and he barely even looked at her now. "I'd like to help."

"Thanks but you won't be required. This is an Intelligence case."

"I can help." Sounding desperate was not helping her cause but she was desperate. It sat in the pit of her stomach, she knew something was wrong, so very wrong and because of that she could barely breath.

"As I said it is an Intelligence matter." He spun his chair around signalling that this conversation was over.

She felt tears prick at the back of her eyes as she left. The locker room was empty and she sank down heavily on the bench as the tears she could no longer hold back fell down her cheeks and splashed onto her thighs. Her head snapped up when she heard Kevin's voice in the hallway.

"Kev." She flew out of the door. He was with Al and Antonio and they all turned to look at her and Kim tried to ignore the anguished looks on their faces. "What's going on? Where's Adam?"

"What do you care?" he spat out and Burgess took a backwards step like she'd been slapped.

"What do you mean what do I care?"

"I mean nothing you've done lately points to the fact you give a damn about Ruzek. Why now?" Kevin had his own guilt to contend with. Ruzek had called him out for having a beer with Roman. He was pissed that Atwater was his best man; his closet friend and he felt betrayed. Atwater knew how much he still cared about Kim and how blindsided he'd been that day in court so having his best mate have a beer with the guy she had hooked up with under his nose had hurt. He felt like he was being shit on by everyone lately and expected his best mate to have his back.

"That's not fair."

"It is what it is." He shrugged. "You made your choice." He followed Al and Antonio back into the Bullpen leaving Burgess standing motionless in the Hallway. Lindsay had caught the tail end of Atwater's comments and could see how upset she had been by them.

"He's just worried. We all are." She added a little abruptly. Her voice certainly didn't fill Burgess with warmth and did little to curb her anxiety.

"What do you know? Where is he?"

Erin softened just a little. "We don't know. We are doing our best."

And they honestly had nothing and Voight was far from happy. They followed a trail of blood from his truck for just a couple of metres and judging by the tyre tracks he left in another vehicle. Whether it was Ruzek's blood or not was yet to be determined but forensics were all over it and they would know soon enough but Voight wasn't waiting around for that. He was more than satisfied that it was Ruzek's blood and his Officer was missing.

It was well after midnight when Voight insisted they all go home and get some rest. Atwater refused to leave and he and Mouse offered to stay to keep chasing up even the slightest thread. Al was back by four and the rest of the team followed a little before six am.

"What have we got?" Voight was looking at the whiteboard and he didn't like the distinct lack of progress that the empty board showed. "A Chicago Police Officer does not just disappear into thin air. Someone knows something. Hit the bushes. Hit every fucking bush twice, three times until something falls out."

When Mouse finally got into some of the pod camera's they managed to locate Ruzek's car and a dark Ford Pick Up that was following it jumped out at them. The plates came back stolen but at least they something. "Finally." Voight declared. He slapped the board. "Find this car."

Halstead and Lindsay went and interviewed the owners of the car. It had been reported stolen three days ago. They ran a background check on them and nothing jumped out and they started to feel like they were chasing their tails.

Atwater and Mouse spent hour upon hour trawling through traffic cameras looking for any sighting. The blood in Ruzek's car came back and it was his. That had rocked everyone for a moment. A deathly silence fell over the room while they digested the news and it made them more determined to find their missing mate. Lindsay and Halstead poured over this arrest reports and followed up with the families of those he'd helped put away, Al and Antonio chased down his CI's and Atwater continued on the electronic trail but they were all coming up short.

Adam Ruzek was officially declared missing and there was barely a skerrick of evidence that showed a reason why.

"What can I do for you Burgess?" Platt looked annoyed.

"Have you heard anything?" Kim had barely slept all night. She had paced around her place trying to think of anything that might help. She realised that she knew so little about Adam's life now. She really had shut him out completely and she was not even sure why or how it happened. How had it all got so far away from her? How did she let him drift so far away?

"No." she responded flatly but she suddenly softened when she saw the look on her Patrol Officer's face. "They are looking at everything." She rested her hand on hers. "They'll get him back."

"Kim." She heard Lindsay voice behind her. Erin motioned for Halstead to head upstairs while she pulled Kim aside. "How you doing?'

"I am beside myself." She bit her lip nervously. "Where is he?"

"We are getting there. Trust me, we are leaving no stone unturned." Erin squeezed her arm and it surprised Kim. "I know you still care about him."

"Oh god, you have no idea." It was the first time in a long time that someone had noticed her and the pain this was causing her too. Not that this was about her, far from it and everyone was obviously worried about Adam and they were all on edge, just like she was. She was so insignificant to them and that hurt because barely six months ago she was happily planning a wedding, they were starting a life together until the white ants moved in.

Halstead came flying back down the stairs "Erin, we've gotta go." They both jumped at the sound of his voice.

"What is it? Have you found him? Is he okay?" Kim reached out to grab Jay's arm and he looked at her coldly.

"Sorry Burgess." Jay shrugged, urgently beckoning Erin away.

Sorry? Sorry for what? Was he sorry that they were too late? Was he sorry because he couldn't tell her anything? Sorry for what? She sat down with a thud. No, they weren't too late, he was alive she had to believe it. She would feel it if something had happened to him. Platt came and sat beside her. She grabbed her hands. "Kim." Using her first name did little to ease her fears. "Trust them, they know what they are doing and you know how protective they are of their team. You know Voight will bring him home."

"That tells me nothing." She yelled as she pulled her hands away. "Why won't they tell me anything?"

"Officer Burgess. You know as much as any other Patrol Officer in this building."

"I am not any other Patrol Officer. He was my fiancé."

"Was." Platt replied firmly.

"What's that supposed to mean? Just because we are no longer together why does everyone think I don't care about him? I didn't break off our engagement because I didn't care, I loved him." Kim gasped desperately.

"But you moved on. You made it perfectly clear to everyone that you were over him."

"I wasn't over him. I am still not. I tried to move on because he didn't seem to want to fight for me. It didn't work though. What I felt for Roman was nothing like what I felt for Adam. Roman was a mistake. It didn't help anything. It didn't make me forget about Adam."

"And you have told him this?"

"He won't talk to me."

"Then you have your answer. You know why Intelligence doesn't want you involved with this case. Ruzek has made it quite clear that you are over. It's what you wanted. Accept it."

"It's not what I wanted. He was supposed to fight for me."

"Did he know this?" Platt had long figured that Burgess had let things get away from her and that she spent too much time overthinking her relationship with Ruzek rather than enjoy it and she was pretty sure she had some help feeding her doubts. "Did you ever tell him the reason you called it off?"

"I told him that he didn't want to be on the hook and I was letting him off."

Platt laughed, she couldn't help it. "You do know that he is male don't you? You do know that you need to spell things out in simple language?"

"I thought I did."

"See that's always been your problem. You think too much and talk too little." Platt squeezed her hand as she stood up. "Now I need you out on Patrol. If there is any news I am sure you will be informed in due course."

Due course? What the hell did that mean? Would she read about it in the obituaries?


	3. White Hot Pain

Now I pray, darling, for the night  
We'll dance down these darkened halls  
Once again to fall  
Into a dream _– Restless Nights, Bruce Springsteen_

It was funny how you never actually thought you'd drunk too much until that cold fresh air hit your face and suddenly it became obvious that perhaps that last shot was one too many. He'd been here far too often lately and it was getting harder to hide it and harder to step away. It numbed the pain in his heart. Certainly he was enjoying scratching the itch he'd got and it was satisfying in the moment but it left him feeling like he was crawling with ants the next day.

Tonight he was alone though and that was okay. Sometimes he didn't even like his own company so he couldn't expect people to be falling over themselves to spend time with him. Basically people had just stopped asking. If he had to he could live in this world, a world where he could go to work and go home at the end of the day and keep the two completely separate, then if one of them went to shit again it wouldn't effect the other.

Adam shoved his hands into his pockets and hunched over and headed for home. This bar round the corner from his place was probably a little too convenient in his current state of disarray. It was no Molly's. I didn't have the sense of home that Molly's did but then again he wasn't really feeling like going home any time soon.

Pretty much he didn't like his life right now but any day now he knew he would turn a corner. He had tried to hang on in the hope that things would change but he wanted that to happen without putting in the effort. When your head is in a constant state of confusion it was hard to see that the reason he hadn't been able to get out of this funk was because he was waiting for someone to drag him out of it. He didn't want it to be him. He needed to be saved.

He heard the footsteps behind him, but that wasn't unusual. There were always people walking around at night in his neighbourhood. It was a busy area full of bars and restaurants and take out joints. Adam turned his head briefly and looked into the vacant lot, just a few weeks ago a building stood where there was now emptiness. It felt like his life. Not so long ago there was this beautiful building and now there was nothing but dust and rubble. He thought it had a strong foundation but apparently inside it was a crumbling ruin and it took one swing of a wrecking ball to bring it tumbling down.

It was the blinding pain that stunned him and bought him to his knees.

They had come from behind; those footsteps had got just a little closer and a little quicker. Adam had increased his pace but it was too late. For just a moment he kind of liked the pain though. He assumed that cracking noise was one or two of his ribs breaking. It made him feel alive when for so long he'd felt dead inside until he had boots laying into his sides and the last thing he remembered was the kick to the head.

When he woke a few moments later he was being dragged towards his truck. He had been so close to home that he actually had his keys in his hand but couldn't feel them now. He was pushed up against his truck while someone fumbled with the door. He felt hands in his pockets and tried to fight but he was overwhelmed, defenceless and without his weapon. They were pulling out his wallet and phone and he vaguely remembered someone running away towards the vacant lot. He took his chance and tried to fight while it was one on one.

Adam pushed himself off he cool metal of his truck and with every ounce of strength that he had left in him he tried to land at least one punch on this attacker. His instinct had kicked in and he thought at the very least if he could fight back they might just be able to gather some DNA that had been left behind and not just his. He wasn't going without a fight or at least leaving something behind if someone cared enough to come looking for him. He knew Intelligence would, he wasn't sure if anyone else would but surely his team would?

In an instant he was outnumbered again though and while he wasn't a shrinking violet and could fight, these two were definitely his equal. Adam buckled as he felt a searing white hot pain to his abdomen. He kicked out with his leg and the staggered as he saw the glint of the blade as it slid into his thigh and he crumpled to the ground. One more punch to the head and he just had to let the black take him.

Vaguely he remembered being dragged from one car, he assumed it was his truck and loaded into another. They certainly weren't in the business of making sure he was comfortable or taking of his injuries. The bitter taste of his blood in this mouth made him feel sick and when he spat it out he was re-paid with a fist slamming into his face.

Through his one good eye, the one eye that wasn't so swollen that he couldn't open it, the next thing he could see was the bright light that shone overhead. He was obviously on a bed but the place didn't look familiar. He heard voices, they were unfamiliar and they were mumbling. Trying to listen to what they were saying was hard and piecing together the past few hours, what bits he did remember was impossible.

One thing was crystal clear. He was in deep shit, he knew who was to blame but he just didn't know if he was going to survive long enough to do anything about it.

A sharp pain rifled through him and he was desperate for even a sip of water. He tried to ask for it and the best he got was a wet face cloth shoved in his mouth. He managed to spit it out before he choked but the small amount of liquid he managed to suck out of the cloth was a little bit of relief.

It was time to give in and just let the other side take him.

He closed his eyes.


	4. Dance on His Grave

_I told a dream to you_ _  
_ _Now outside the streets are gray_ _  
_ _And the childhood games we played_ _  
_ _Have faded away – Restless Nights, Bruce Springsteen._

Vaguely he could hear voices around him but they were muffled, like he was underwater but he knew he wasn't. He felt a hand on his face. It was gentle and he tired to concentrate because maybe it was familiar? It felt soft and comforting. "Kim." It was the only word he knew.

Again he heard the voice. Was it his name they were saying? He wasn't sure. It was too hard to answer, that one word that had fallen from his lips had taken everything he had so he let himself slip away again. He let the pain wash over him; sometimes it was easier to let it consume him.

"Adam." The voice was more urgent now and it wasn't so familiar anymore. "Hang on Adam." He tried to open his eyes but he couldn't. It was just darkness and the voice and the soft hand on his face. "Come on Adam, hang on."

 _"I'm trying."_ He thought _. "Can't you see I am trying?"_

Gradually he became aware of more people around him and the hand that was holding his face was gone. He wanted it back. He wasn't as scared when it was there. "Kim." He whispered again. The pain was intense and he couldn't stop it rifling through his body, he couldn't get the breath into his lungs and he felt like he was suffocating. He felt like his stomach was on fire and he couldn't lift his arms or legs, they felt like a dead weight. It was terrifying.

"How is he?" Voight stood at the end of the bed. His hands shoved inside his vest, no one needed to see them shaking.

"He's alive, barely. Two stabs wounds, one to the upper thigh and one to the abdomen. Severe facial injuries, probable broken ribs and a head wound. We've gotta move him now." The paramedics had worked quickly. They knew before they walked into the room that it was a Chicago Police Officer they were dealing with.

Al jumped into the back Ambulance with him and he held his hand and begged him to stay with them while the paramedic worked away getting a line into him and some monitoring on his heart. They would take him to a local hospital and then they would probably need to call the Rescue Helicopter. It was only a 40-minute trip by road at the most back to Chicago, but they may be 40 minutes he didn't have.

Voight looked around the room once it was cleared out. It was grotty at best and the bed was soaked with Ruzek's blood and piss. He stood over the two dead offenders, staring at them perhaps hoping they'd give him some answers but dead men tell no tales, not yet anyway. They would give up their secrets eventually it just took time.

Local cops had called in that they had the car they were looking for at this sleazy dive of a motel. They surrounded the place until Intelligence arrived. How he had ended up here? Who were these people? And why? Why Ruzek? And the fact that they now had two dead offenders and not one fucking clue as to what they were doing here was seriously pissing Voight off.

"How did he end up here?" Voight growled to no one in particular. Not one single thing made sense.

When they arrived the hotel was on lockdown. Cops swarmed everywhere. The unknown was more than the known. "How many in there?" Voight had asked.

"No idea."

"Do we even know if Ruzek is in there? Al asked the obvious question, they had taken off with the barest of information but it was the best lead they had. Actually it was the only lead they had and Voight had made the snap decision that they were all going in. They were going to get Ruzek back. He knew it.

"We don't know." The staff at the hotel could only tell them they had arrived late last night. They ran a background check and came up short. Mouse was working on it but they had stolen ID's and paid in cash. It was a typical no tell motel.

In the end they stormed the room, killing one and the second offender gutlessly shot himself seconds after the door was breached but at least they had Ruzek, although his status was borderline. Now they just needed to figure out why.

"Oh my God Adam." Erin flew to his side as soon as they cleared the room. He was barely breathing and when she touched his face all he said was "Kim."

By the time they got to the hospital Adam had been intubated and he was no longer conscious. They stabilised him while they waited for the chopper. He was severally dehydrated, his body was shutting down from shock and blood loss and he was starting to show signs of septicaemia. The fact that he'd made it this far was a miracle in itself, whether he had it in him to make it through the next few days remained to be seen, but at least he had a chance. Another couple of hours in the hotel would have killed him, of that the Doctors were certain, and it might already be too late.

It had been nearly four hours since Intelligence had rushed out. Platt had sent Burgess home because she was useless to them today. Her head was not in the game at all and there was a very real chance that she was going to get someone hurt if she stayed out on the streets. Going home hadn't helped though; not having anything else to try and think about meant all that she thought about was Adam. Presently she was sitting on her couch with her phone clutched tightly in her hand….waiting and willing it to ring.

When it rang she just about dropped it. "Erin."

"Kim, we've found him."

"Where is he? Is he okay? What happened?" she leapt off the couch and didn't even draw breath.

"Kim, he's on his way to Chicago Med." Erin spoke quietly. "He's in bad shape."

Voight had sent Erin and Jay to the hospital to pick up Al and get an update. He had called Bob; despite the animosity between them he had called him as soon as they were sure that Adam was missing and promised him that he would find his son. Bob would be waiting at the hospital for Adam to arrive. He'd asked Voight why but he got no answers. At this stage he didn't know if Voight was keeping things from him or just didn't know but all he could focus on right now was getting to his son.

Kim pinched the bridge of nose. She felt like the room was spinning and grabbed hold of the back of her sofa to steady herself. "What do you mean bad shape? What happened?"

"We don't know."

"What are you doing here?" Bob Ruzek barked at Kim as she sat in the corner of the waiting room. After talking to Erin she hadn't thought twice and headed straight to the hospital. She had no idea what it was going to achieve, there was no way she was going to be able to see him but she needed to be there.

Platt leapt to her defence. "Come on Bob. We all care about Adam."

"She broke his heart." He pointed at her angrily. "Are you here to dance on his grave? We don't need her here."

"Bob." Platt started.

"It's okay." Kim whispered to Platt. "I'm sorry." She turned to Bob. "For everything. You have no idea how sorry I am. I wish I could change the past but I can't. I never wanted anything bad to happen to Adam, never."

"You broke his heart. My son was heartbroken." Bob gritted his teeth and seethed. This was not the time and place to make a scene but he had wanted to tell her exactly what he felt for the longest time. He had never seen his son so upset and hurt the day he turned up on his doorstep, still in his suit after her court case. He had been so worried about her and it concerned Bob at the time how much he was fretting over that case. She had just about destroyed him that day.

"I know. I'm sorry, you've got no idea how sorry I am." A tear slid down her cheek. "Can I please just stay until I know he's okay. Please."

Bob turned away from her and she fell back into her seat. "People honestly think that I don't care about Adam anymore? I'm not sure what went wrong? We broke up because of his reluctance to get married and everyone hates me for it."

"Burgess have you ever thought that perhaps Ruzek had no idea why? Coupled with the fact that it was you who shacked up with Roman in a hot second while Ruzek had been the poster boy for celibacy. What were people supposed to think?"

She buried her head in her hands. God how had she got it all so wrong. She had blamed him for everything because it was easier than admitting her own insecurities and faults. Stupidly she thought that everyone would be on her side and perhaps they were initially but once she had hooked up with Roman all that support had evaporated. Then Roman had basically dumped and run and left her to deal with the fallout of their stupid mistake and now she was alone, confused and filled with remorse. Now the thought that she may never get the chance to tell him that she was sorry was devastating.

Bob leapt from his seat as the Doctor came out. Adam's mother was by his side clutching his arm tightly. They may hate each other but they both loved their son. "He's in a medically induced coma. He lost of lot of blood and we've given him a blood transfusion. The stab wounds were starting to become infected but we think we caught them in time and we've cleaned them up. He has a fractured cheekbone and eye socket and a few broken ribs. He certainly took a beating. While he is stable now we will know more in the morning. He is in critical condition."

"Is he going to be okay?" Bob had to ask.

"He's stable for now, he's young and he's held on so far. If he gets through tonight I will be more hopeful. He's not out of the woods by a long shot but he's got the best chance now. It's up to him."

Adam's mother collapsed against Bob. "Can we see him?" The Doctor let just Bob and his mother in while the rest of his team stood in silence and Kim's heart shattered into a million pieces as she sat in the corner and although Platt was holding her hand she had never felt so alone.


	5. Nothing Is Off The Table

Bob Ruzek narrowed his eyes when he came back out and saw Kim still sitting in the waiting room. He pulled Voight to the side and filled him in on Adam's current condition. There was no change since he had been out of surgery, he was critical and they were hopeful but far from certain that he was out of the woods.

"What's she still doing here?" He nodded in Kim's direction.

"She's worried about Ruzek. We all are."

"Wasn't too worried about him while she was screwing her partner."

Voight promised to talk to Kim. The last thing anyone wanted was to create a scene. He looked over at the Patrol Officer as she sat hunched in the corner. Obviously things hadn't worked out between her and Ruzek and he honestly had no idea what went down nor did he want to know. It was none of his business. As long as if didn't affect how Ruzek worked he didn't care and to this day it hadn't. Only once he had spoken to him to make sure he had his head on straight but that was just after Burgess had called it off.

"Burgess." Kim jumped a little when Voight sat down beside her. She had been in a world of her own. "I know you are worried about Ruzek but I think you should go home."

"No, I want to stay."

"His family has asked for privacy. They don't want you here."

"I'm not bothering anyone. I promise I will sit over here." Kim knew that no one was about to tell her anything or welcome her with open arms but she needed to be here. If something went wrong she doubted anyone would even bother to call her so she needed to stay close to the hospital.

"Burgess, there is nothing you can do. They have asked you to leave and out of respect for Ruzek and his family I think you need to leave." He stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Don't make things harder for them than they already are."

She stumbled from the building. As the fresh cold air hitting her square in the face and it stung but not as much as the heartache she was feeling. It wasn't the first time she felt regret but the realisation of how much damage she had done was staggering. She knew Adam was hurting about the broken engagement but didn't know the depth of it. Bob screaming at her about how heartbroken he was had been a shock. Kim had convinced herself that he just didn't care that much because of his lack of effort and that made it easier to reinforce that she had made the right call, even if she regretted it almost immediately but was too stubborn to do anything about it. That devil that sat on her shoulder, or more to the point beside her in the patrol car didn't help.

All the signs were there that he still cared but she ignored them. Even when he approached her after the shooting and she could see how upset he was she pushed it away and then all that shit went down. When her lawyer had shown her the video she had been stunned but her shock and disbelief about what happened clouded her judgement and it wasn't until it was bought up in court and she saw how devastated he was that she realised how unfair she had been to him not to give him the heads up and perhaps how blinkered she was to his obvious distress about their broken engagement.

Roman had told her that she didn't owe him any explanation, they weren't together anymore and she could do whatever she wanted. Deep down she knew that had the boot been on the other foot she would have at least wanted not to be blindsided. It was common courtesy and the decent thing to do. Adam had done nothing wrong, he didn't cheat on her, hurt her or treat her badly in any way and he didn't deserve to be treated like he had. Kim didn't really like that Sean had so little concern for how she felt or how Ruzek must have felt. Then again he never really cared about how she felt. She felt like this was all a game to him and she'd let him win.

Sleep was never going to come easy. She had called the hospital, hoping that someone would slip up and give her some information but got nothing. Even her call to Atwater went unanswered.

Kim couldn't help herself but she was back at the hospital early the next morning. When Janet came out she was surprised to see her sitting back in the corner. She wasn't as angry with Kim as Adam's father was. Truthfully she saw a lot of Bob in Adam so had some small skerrick of sympathy for the young woman. She knew her son loved her dearly and was devastated when they broke up but looking at her now she could sense that the pain ran deep on both sides.

"Kim, Hi." Janet started quietly. She really didn't have any idea what to say.

"Hi." She answered nervously waiting for Janet to tell her to leave. "How's Adam? Is he okay?" The words came out in a rush. If she was going to be asked to leave she at least wanted to know that he was okay.

"No change. He's fighting though."

"That's good. He's so strong."

"He is, he has needed to be lately." Janet was surprised at the bitterness in her voice. It was unintentional and Kim's head sagged a little and the two women remained silent.

"I never wanted to see him hurt." Kim muttered sadly. "We should have talked more than we did."

"Adam is a little too much like his father in some regards. Sometimes getting them to talk is like pulling teeth."

"I didn't really give him much of a chance though."

Janet squeezed her hand lightly but didn't say anything. They sat in silence for a few minutes. "Anyway, thanks for coming. I am sure someone will let you know if there is any change." She pushed herself up out of the chair and Kim felt like she was being told, yet again that she wasn't welcome and again she staggered from the hospital in a daze.

"Officer Burgess."

"What?" she snapped before she realised it was her superior. Platt never came into the locker room; most of her orders came from behind that damn desk. She looked at the clock on the wall and knew she wasn't late, technically she was early.

"Excuse me?" Platt's hands were planted firmly on her hips and the look on her face screamed annoyance.

"Sorry Sergeant. I'm not late." Kim closed her locker door having grabbed her vest and belt.

"I didn't say you were. They want to see you upstairs."

"Adam?" Kim's heart started thudding wildly in her chest. "Is he okay?"

"Don't know." She shrugged as she turned to leave. Having delivered her message Platt had no interest in chitchat. "Haven't heard anything so I am guessing that means no change. Get your ass upstairs."

Erin was really the only one who showed much interest in her being there, although to be fair they had every right to worry about Ruzek and him alone but at least she nodded to acknowledge her existence.

Kim stood, almost motionless looking at the whiteboard with Adam's case all over it. The photos of Adam, his truck, his injuries and the room he was found in were devastating and she barely had the chance to take it all in when Voight came out of his office and called her through. When he closed the door behind them her heart raced uncontrollably. Voight didn't offer her a seat, which didn't help her nerves.

"Sean Roman?" He got straight to the point. "Did he have an issue with Ruzek?"

"What do you mean? You think Sean had something to do with this?" Kim wouldn't believe it, she couldn't. She knew that Ruzek had issues with Roman but she never got the vibe that Sean was particularly worried or upset by it. He really didn't seem to care about much to be honest, certainly not about Ruzek. In reality there was very little that Roman cared about and Kim started to see that he didn't even really care about her, he was quick to dump and run and did not give her a backwards glance. No doubt he'd moved on to some other vulnerable woman. He seemed to like that, woman who had doubts and insecurities and he liked to feed them until you fell into his arms. She always remembered that little smirk he gave her the first time they crossed paths with Ruzek after they slept together. Looking back now it was obviously because he felt like he'd won.

"We are just following up all leads." His eyes were giving away nothing. "Why didn't you leave with Roman? He asked you to go." Kim had no idea how he even knew that, she hadn't discussed it with anyone. Then again Voight seemed to always know what was going on, whether he commented on it or not. However in this case Atwater had told him that Roman had asked her to leave with him and he didn't know if it was important or not.

"My whole life is in Chicago, my job is here and I felt like I had a point to prove after that shooting. I didn't want to run away."

"So it wasn't because you still had a thing for Ruzek?" When Burgess didn't respond immediately Voight had his answer. She clasped her hands tightly behind her back and wrung them nervously.

"I never wanted to see Adam hurt."

They were seriously at a loss as to what had gone on with Ruzek and how he ended up where he did and with the injuries he sustained. They had two dead guys who obviously had nothing to say and despite their best attempts to find all of the pieces of this puzzle they had to cast the net wider, shake some trees and see what fell out. Until Ruzek was awake and he was able to tell them something they were chasing tail and everyone was getting frustrated.

"Are you still contact with Roman?"

"No, not really. I haven't spoken to him for weeks. I really don't think he would have anything to do with this. He did actually think Adam was good police." Even when he did call she often ignored it. He always asked about Intelligence, never directly asking about Ruzek but Kim had an inkling that he was checking to see if she was talking to Adam again. He never cared about Intelligence before so why now? While he told Kim that he missed her it was something that Kim never responded to because in all honesty she didn't miss him. She was enjoying working with Tay and didn't have to worry about any ulterior motives with her new partner. Distance certainly gave her 20/20 vision.

"As I said, nothing is off the table at this stage. Thanks Burgess." He nodded dismissively. Burgess was rooted to the spot.

"Sir, I'd like to help."

"No." he responded flatly giving her no recourse so she thanked him and left as quickly as she could. She didn't even bother stopping on her way out despite Erin calling out to her.

Platt took one look at her and told her to take a few moments to compose herself. The last time she looked like this was when she requested her transfer. Some days she wished she had granted her wish. Running from one failed relationship was easier than running from two, but then again Burgess had made her bed and now she had to lie in it.

 ** _A/N: Hmmmm…. So is Roman involved? I promise things get better for Kim…. Eventually._**


	6. One More Day

He blinked painfully. His eyes felt gritty, like they were full of sand. The room was dark except for a soft light above his head and a faint light seeping in from outside the door. He wished it was quiet too, some machine was beeping away next to him, slow and steady and he assumed that was a good thing. He tried to move but the pain and the fact his arms and legs felt like they were made of lead kept him from succeeding. He blinked again. Everything was fuzzy, his eyes were unfocussed and his head felt like it was in a bucket.

They had taken him off the ventilator late last night when he started breathing over the top of it and while he wasn't awake he was getting agitated by the tube. He now had nasal prongs and even they seemed to be annoying him.

Turning his head slightly he noticed a figure slumped in the chair beside him. It looked familiar and he watched it for a while but he couldn't speak or get his eyes to focus so he closed them again and let the pain and weariness consume him.

When he eventually opened his eyes again his father was in the chair beside his bed. That wasn't who was there earlier and that confused him, nothing was making sense. He panicked and tugged at the nasal prongs and Bob saw him move and open his eyes.

"God Adam." Bob flew out of the chair and grabbed his son's hands to stop him clawing at his face. "You scared us." He pressed the call button and the room was suddenly full of Doctors and Nurses who were all bustling around him. They were telling him what was going on, what had happened but he couldn't focus. He coughed painfully as he tried to speak. "Pops." Was all he could croak out and his Dad held his hand and closed his eyes again and drifted back off to sleep.

Bob slipped from the room and called his mother and the District. He wasn't completely out of the woods but he was showing positive signs. He was awake and had said a few words and that had to be a step in the right direction and right now even the tiniest sliver of hope would do. It had been a long few days and not knowing whether or not Adam was going to wake up was frustrating and it was a challenge to keep a level head. He couldn't lose his son.

"Kim." He muttered to his Dad when he woke again. He was trying to understand what was going on and where he was, he knew he was in hospital but had no idea how he got here. His mind felt scrambled, a thought would pop into his head, half formed and then it was gone again before he could completely grasp it. All he could feel was pain, his head hurt, his body hurt and his throat felt dry and speaking made him feel like he was swallowing sandpaper.

"Kim's not here. You are not together anymore."

"I know." He closed his eyes and took a few shaky breaths. "I saw her."

Bob let him go, he didn't want to upset him and was just happy that he was awake and still with them. For a few days it seemed like it might not happen that way. "Don't worry about that Adam. I'm just glad you are awake. You had us worried."

"It hurts so fucking much." He grimaced as he tried to move, his arse was starting to feel like it was on fire. Even breathing hurt and several times over the last few days he just wanted to give into it all. He honestly wasn't sure what he was living for anymore. Hanging on took more energy they he had to give, but hang on he did.

He spent the day drifting in and out of sleep in between being poked and prodded and medicated. People filtered in, sat for a while and disappeared but she never came. They wanted to talk to him but he just wanted to be left alone to sleep, when he slept it didn't hurt, physically or emotionally. Perhaps it had been a dream, like his father tried to assure him.

Adam was agitated. The longer the day went on the more unsettled he became, his pain levels were uncontrollable but he constantly refused to take anything too strong because it made him feel like shit. Eventually they put a stop to his visitors because he was so anxious and agitated. He told his mother to leave, actually he told her to 'fuck off' because her constant fussing was annoying him no end. He didn't want to eat, drink or talk and every time he moved she was there nagging him. He wanted this shit around him to stop, people coming and going, talking to him, touching him. The pain at least gave him something else to focus on because his mind was swirling. He didn't know what was real and what was a dream but at least the pain was real. That much he knew.

Bob stopped Voight questioning him, which ended up in a tense stand off between the two nemeses. "Tomorrow, one more day won't kill you." Bob was standing his ground. They had at least taken it outside of Adam's room; he didn't need to hear it. Every time people started to talk around him he got agitated.

"You know as well as I the longer we wait the harder it is to solve cases like this. Has he said anything?"

"No, he's not even sure where he is. He's confused. He keeps insisting that Kim was here so I am not sure you'd get anything useful anyway."

Voight scowled a little bit. "Burgess? He does know they are not together right?"

"He says he does." Bob scratched at his neck, something he did when he was worried. "I'm not sure what he's thinking. He won't talk about it. Has either of them mentioned anything about getting back together? He tells me nothing."

"No. I talked to Burgess when he first went missing and Atwater and Platt confirmed that apparently they barely spoke anymore." They were both perplexed as to why Adam was insisting that she was there. Bob and Janet had both asked the Doctor's about the possibility of amnesia but he was pretty lucid on everything else, his name, date of birth, where he lived, his job, parents and friends. They couldn't say that it wasn't possible that the only thing he didn't remember was the breakup and his assault but it would be highly unlikely. It was more likely that he was blocking it out and refusing to talk about it because it was too painful to remember rather than actually not having any recollection of those events.

She was there and she did come back, slipping silently into his room well after midnight. He was restless when she got there and Kim almost left again, worried that he would wake up and tell her to leave. After standing with her hand on his chest until he calmed down she sat quietly in the chair in the corner and closed her eyes. He opened his, saw her again and closed his eyes suddenly feeling calmer. When he woke again a few hours later she was gone, there was no trace of her and he felt that anxiousness start to overwhelm him again.

He wasn't much better the next day. "I don't want to see anyone." He pushed out between his gritted teeth. His nurse was seriously pissing him off today; she paid little attention to his protests and ignored his request to not have any pain medication. At one stage he pulled out a drain with his thrashing about so they eventually sedated him. He told them to take 'the fucking tube out of his dick' "I've been pissing on my own for years." Adam was far from a model patient and Bob was sure the nurses were probably doing rock, paper, scissors to decide who got to look after him.

Bob sat with him while he slept; it was starting to worry him, something was eating away at his son. He kept insisting that he couldn't remember what happened to him but in reality he just didn't want to talk about it because then everything came crashing back over him. It wasn't just the last few days or weeks, this started months ago. They assured him that Adam was healing, his bloods were returning to normal and the infection was under control but he was just so unsettled.

Again when he woke he asked his father about Kim. "Do you remember that you broke up?"

"Of course I fucking do."

He stroked his son's forehead. It was one of the only places that didn't have a bruise on it. "Okay. It's okay."

"It's my fault." He groaned, trying to move his head away from his father's hand. He didn't want to be touched by anyone. He wanted people to stop touching him. All he wanted was one person and he'd lost her.

"Adam, shh. It's not your fault."

"Laura, I knew she was bad news." He breathed out slowly and closed his eyes and let sleep take him again.

Bob called Voight. As much as he hated dealing with this man he knew that they were busting their asses to solve this case and they moved heaven and earth to find his son and for that he would be forever grateful. "He was talking about someone called Laura. Said he knew she was bad news."

"Anything else?"

"No, said it was his fault but I thought he was talking about Kim. He's asleep again right now."

"Alright."

"Does that mean anything?"

"Not really."

"Don't you bloody well lie to me Hank."

"Bob, I promise you as soon as we know something, anything I will let you know." Hank spun around in his chair and stared out the small window in his office. This case was getting to him and he was getting impatient. "How is he?"

"Not good. He's had a rough day. He's in a lot of pain & refusing to take anything. He's making life hell for the nurses, if he was in better shape I'd slap him silly for being suck a prick." Bob was standing just outside his room, staring through the window at his son. Voight picked up the change of tone in Bob's voice. "I'm worried about him Hank."

"Me too."

His night wasn't quite so settled, he woke up several times hoping to see her but his room was always empty. He was taking short breaths and suddenly it felt like he had an elephant sitting on his chest and the machine beside him starting beeping wildly and it bought people running. "Where is she?" he asked but he didn't have time hear the answer because whatever drugs they gave him started to kick in and he felt his eyelids droop as he drifted off into that place again.

The place where he wasn't in pain anymore.


	7. Barely Living

"Lindsay." Platt barked as her foot hit the top step. She waited until she fronted up to the desk and leant over to talk quietly. "How is he?"

"Apparently he had a bad night, they had to sedate him again. He doesn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone."

"This Laura woman, we know anything yet?"

Erin shook her head just as Kim appeared from behind the desk having just changed out and was now heading home for a shower and some sleep. Last night had kicked her ass, they barely had time to blink and she had hoped that they could get into the hospital so she could stick her head in on Adam. It was the only time she seemed to be able to get through the door. Not that they gave her any information but at least she could see him and make sure he was still doing okay. Even if all he did was sleep.

The one time she thought she could run upstairs when they stopped by to take an assault statement they had been called to a 911.

"Erin, How's Adam?" she almost ran at the Detective. They couldn't even be classified as friends now, that had gone south the moment she'd crushed Adam's heart in that court room, although Erin was the least unfriendly out of all of them.

"He's resting and recovering slowly."

"And the case?"

"Still nothing." Erin squeezed her hand briefly. "We'll figure it out." She beat a hasty exit upstairs.

Kim turned to Platt. "Who's Laura?"

"Just a name Adam mentioned. Do you know anything? Does it sound familiar?"

"I haven't had a conversation with Adam in weeks. How would I know?" Platt frowned at the shortness of her answer and Kim apologised immediately. "It's been a long few nights."

Trying to sleep was a joke. She went for a run and found herself outside his apartment and sat down on the park bench across the road and watched it, hoping to see, she had no idea what. She knew that CPD would have been all over his place with a fine toothcomb, Voight would have made sure of that. Not that she could get in anyway Adam had demanded his key back when he confronted her after the court case. That had been awful.

Closing her eyes she tried to banish the memory of that conversation, the last real one they had. Occasionally she would get a brief nod if they literally ran into each other at the District and he did have to talk to her a few times because of work, but that's all it was. No Hi, how you doing, nothing. He'd called her 'gutless and a coward' and she had been all that. She'd had the opportunity to tell him about that video but she chose not too. Would it have made him less angry? Who knows? It was his parting words that hurt the most. "I wish I'd never fallen in love with you, I wish I didn't love you."

Kim felt the tears falling down her cheeks and watched them splash onto her thighs. "Burgess." She looked up to see Atwater jogging across the road.

Her heart was suddenly in her throat as she jumped up. "Adam?"

"No news." He rested a hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"

"Not really, no." It felt nice that someone actually asked how she was. Not that she deserved it, but she was all at sea and alone and it was hard to see more than two foot in front of her. She knew it was the right decision to stay in Chicago but that didn't mean it was easy. "What you here for? Are you going into Adam's?"

"Yeah. His Dad wants me to grab a few things for him, see if that helps make him relax, he's pretty stressed out." They headed across the road. "Figured I'd take another quick look around. See if there is anything we missed."

"This Laura, you know her?"

Atwater cocked an eye at her. "How'd you know about that?"

"I overheard Erin talking to Platt. Is that his girlfriend?"

"No idea Burgess. He keeps his cards close to his chest these days." Atwater slid the key into the lock on Adam's door and paused for a moment. He seemed to be contemplating whether he should let her in or not. "He was pissed at me for a while so now he tells me nothing about his girlfriends."

"Girlfriends?"

"Careful Burgess you are starting to sound a little jealous."

"So I am not allowed to worry about him?" Kevin just looked at her and she felt it wise to shut her mouth. He seemed to be letting her into his place and pissing him off might just make him change his mind.

It felt strange being here. Nothing had changed; he was a contradiction. His boots were lined up neatly by the door, his magazines stacked tidily on the table and his remotes side by side next to them but he could lose stuff like no-one she knew and the place by the end of the week was usually a wreck, but first chance he got on a weekend he cleaned from top to bottom, ready to start destroying the place all over again. She flicked through the magazines, looking for anything that was out of the ordinary hoping that it might give them some idea of who he had been seeing. Kim often left her Instyle Magazine here and it would end up mixed in with his pile of bike magazines and she was surprised to see he still had them.

"Was he thinking of taking a holiday?" she held up a travel brochure for the Caribbean.

Atwater looked a little uncomfortable all of a sudden. Adam was going to hate that he let her in. "Nah, that was where he was planning to take you on your honeymoon. It was a surprise." Kim felt like she had been belted between the eyes.

"Honeymoon?"

"Yeah, but I guess you were too busy crawling up Roman's ass to notice." Atwater stretched his neck by rolling it from side to side. He knew he had already said too much but decided it was all or nothing. "He saw you two together on a date."

"We never…"

Atwater completely ignored that she had even started to protest. "He was itching one day to get out of work and when I asked why he admitted that you had bought these tickets to a show…" Kim felt a sense of dread wash over her. "…he knew it was a long shot but he thought you'd go so he went. We were running late with a case. Anyway by the time he got there he saw you and Roman arm in arm walking into the theatre together. He lay on my sofa for two days after that."

Oh God, she had no idea. It wasn't like she asked Roman to go with her, he just turned up and she was lonely and heartbroken. "He never said a word." She whispered.

"What was he supposed to say? Hey Burgess, I know you were engaged to me just a second ago but it's good to see you've moved on nice and quick." Sarcasm dripped from Kevin's lips. She knew that him and Adam were tight. Hell Kevin was Adam's best man, or supposed to be but they had also been friends and partners. She hadn't just lost Adam; she'd lost Kevin too.

"You know, I know you all want to blame me and I get it." She finally snapped. "But he wasn't exactly falling over himself to come after me."

"It's not high school Burgess. You told him you didn't want to marry him, so he accepted it. Then you were screwing Roman. God damn if that didn't take you a red-hot second. He wasn't about to make a fool of himself begging you to come back when you made it clear you weren't interested."

"Is that what you think?"

"Then why did you ask him to put off the wedding?"

So Adam had obviously talked to Kevin at some point? Kevin had asked him about the date a few times and he admitted that Kim had asked him to push it back so they could get it right. By the sound of it Adam didn't seem all that concerned about it being anything other than Kim's obsession with planning everything right down to the tiniest detail. "I don't know."

"Yes you do. You did it because of Roman and he started to figure it out. He's not an idiot, although you treated him like one. He knew Roman was playing you but he trusted you and he loved you and you didn't give him that same courtesy. Why should he come running after you? You were too busy running into Roman." Atwater bit his lip for a moment and then just twisted the knife. "Repeatedly apparently."

"Ouch." Kim dropped the brochure back on the table. "Thanks for that. Just keep kicking Kevin, I'll start bleeding soon."

"You asked. And guess what? Adam is bleeding, he's barely living."

"I thought he was getting better?"

"He's barely been living for months." He disappeared into Adam's bedroom and grabbed his IPod and some toiletries from the bathroom and some clean clothes. Perhaps being in his own clothes might help his mood, because he was anything but pleasant right now. People actually approached his room with some trepidation because you never quite knew what you were going to get.

"Not the only one Kevin."

"What? Been lonely since the boyfriend left?" By the look on her face Kevin knew that he'd probably gone a step too far. He'd made his point and it was probably time to back off a little.

"I've been lonely since I made the mistake of letting Adam go and losing you as a friend." He could hear the hurt in her voice and it was written all over her face. They just stared at her for a moment before Atwater indicated that they were done here by grabbing the keys and standing by the door waiting for Kim.

Kevin followed her out and made sure they locked up properly. "Thanks for letting me come with you." She put her hand on Kevin's arm and was surprised when Kevin pulled her in for a hug.

"I've missed you too Burgess." And just like that he was gone. It felt like they had cleared the air somewhat, they still may not be friends but some of the static had cleared. Now she just needed to work on clearing some of the black clouds that hung over her and Adam.

By the time Kim made it back in for her shift she'd barely had three hours sleep, she felt like shit. Throwing her bag into her locker she was surprised to see Al come in. "Hey Burgess." He nodded.

"Detective." She was surprised that he even spoke to her. He stopped and looked like he was about to say something else but then just pulled his cap lower and left.

As soon as she stepped out of the District the rain started and it was a long miserable night, which did not help her mood one iota. Her partner held his tongue after she almost ripped his head off when he commented on how tired she looked and no one talked themselves out of a ticket that night. Kim was not in the mood to be forgiving.

She wasn't the only one who suffered through the night; Adam woke up and felt like he was suffocating. He cried out in agony but there was no one there to hear him.


	8. You Can Sleep Now

Bob Ruzek was sitting in the foyer jiggling his leg nervously. Platt pointed him out to Burgess as she signed out for the day. A ripple of panic flooded through her firstly for Adam but then she realised that no one was going to race in and tell her anything about his condition. They hadn't told her anything yet so why start now? The sum knowledge of how he was doing came from actually seeing him, so she figured she was about to get another whack. Kevin's home truths and admissions yesterday had been more than enough so the thought of another round of brutal honesty wasn't exactly enticing.

"Mr Ruzek." She approached him, fearing the worst. "Is Adam okay?"

He did not even bother with the pleasantries. "This goes against my better judgement. I don't know what you are doing, or why you are doing it but I know you have been in to see Adam. I know you are the one he talks about being in his room at night."

Kim nodded and bit her lip nervously while she waited for him to tell her that it had to stop.

"He's anxious and he's not coping and it is stressing him out. No one can calm him down, he's not sleeping well and that is hindering his progress. They tell me the only nights he was settled was when you were there."

"Bob. I just want to know…." Adam's father held up his hand to stop her.

"For some strange reason he wants you there while he sleeps. Do you think you can at least do that for him?" Bob's eyes were icy cold. "It's the very least you could do after everything you've done."

"Of course. Anything. I'll do anything." Kim took a step closer but Bob made it clear that he was not enjoying this one bit and did not want her sympathy or concern.

"Let's just get this straight, all I want is my son to get better if you can help with that both his mother and I would appreciate it. I really don't want to see you though." He nodded his head curtly. "I leave about ten."

He was asleep when Kim arrived and the nerves were a little more evident tonight. She was surprised to now see a recliner chair in his room with a blanket folded neatly on the seat and a pillow and she wasn't sure whom she had to thank for that but it was appreciated, if she was going to spend hours sleeping here just so that Adam could rest and recover the slight concession of a comfortable chair was like heaven. Those other nights she had just snuck in and out and nobody said anything and she didn't acknowledge anyone and the armchair in the corner wasn't exactly welcoming but it was better than not seeing him. She had no idea if Adam even knew she was there because she had never seen his eyes open but he obviously knew she was there and that had floored her but not as much as learning that she was helping him.

When she started coming in it was more about satisfying her need to see him and make sure he was alive and kicking, she never thought it would turn into this.

Bob had been surprised when the nurses told him about Adam's nightly distress and their concern was it was seriously delaying his recovery. "He had a visitor for a couple of nights and he was really settled. She hasn't been here the past two nights and he's not so good."

"She? His mother?"

"No, young woman, dark hair." He knew exactly whom they were talking about.

"Kim?"

The nurse nodded. "She doesn't talk to anyone. We know she shouldn't be in there but he seems to like it. Every time he's woken lately he asks for her. Who is she?"

"Just the woman who broke his heart."

She stood at the side of his bed; he still looked terrible. Worse than she remembered and it took her breath away. His face was unrecognisable, that beautiful face. A week without shaving had bought his beard on strong and it mingled with his swollen cheek, cracked lips cuts and bruises. The only place that didn't look like it hurt was his forehead so she kissed it softly. "You can sleep now." She whispered before curling up in the recliner, and it was heaven compared to what she'd been sleeping in.

When Adam opened his eyes he saw her watching him. They didn't speak and he closed his eyes again and let sleep take him, peacefully this time. She was gone by the time he woke.

Adam finally was calm enough to talk to Voight. Bob didn't leave the room; he refused to leave Voight alone with him because he wanted to know exactly what was said. He was having a hard time trusting Voight. His struggle came from the fact, while he knew the Intelligence Unit would do anything to help Adam he just wanted to make sure that he knew every detail so he could follow up. He had to trust Voight to do his job he just didn't like trusting him.

"Who's Laura?" Hank's hands were shoved in his pockets as he stood beside Adam's bed.

"Some chick I was seeing." Adam tried to think straight. "I'd been seeing her for about two months. Laura Jackson, that's what she told me anyway. She was trouble but…." He sighed. "..I didn't really care."

"Trouble?"

"I guess her husband found out. I didn't know she was married at first, and then she said they'd broken up because he was a psycho." He still was a bit fuzzy on that and he was a little disjointed in his recollections. "Next thing I know I was jumped just outside my place." He'd been a local bar and had probably had a couple too many but he wasn't completely drunk, he did remember that but it was obviously just enough to dull his senses and he did see the two guys walking but had no idea they were following him. "It's a bit hazy after that. I remember the beatings, the stabbing. Man that hurts like fuck."

'Do you know their names? Who they were? Had you seen them before?"

He furrowed his brow as he tried to remember. "Jake, one of them was Jake. I don't remember the other one. He had dark hair, that's all I know. Never seen them before, I just heard them talking."

"What they say? Do you know where they were taking you? Anything?"

"I think I heard them talking, what to do with me. I think it wasn't planned, they argued a lot." He lifted his hand slowly and scratched at this face. "I…..there was something about a cop….me being a cop I think. I don't know."

"You got a name for the husband?"

He closed his eyes for a few seconds and Voight didn't push him, he just waited. "They called him D. Sorry Boss."

"What about the girlfriend? Did you get a name from her?"

"No, I don't remember." Adam started to get agitated and frustrated.

Voight rested his hand on his forehead, rubbing his thumb back and forth. "Adam, don't worry. We'll get there. Just rest up okay and let us know if you remember anything else. Any tiny detail at all, okay?" Bob watched them, he watched his son relax and as much as he hated Voight or wanted too, his son trusted him and respected him. He'd found a good team, and all you could ask for on this job was to have a team that had your back.

"I wish I could remember." Adam started to clench and unclench his fist. He couldn't get this out of his head; every time he closed his eyes the pain and images came back. The feeling of the knife slicing into him and he was trying to hold onto the slivers of thoughts that came and went. He knew that one tiny little thing could help them with this case but he couldn't find that piece in his scrambled head. "I need to sleep." He turned his head away, indicating he was done talking right now. Even the smallest amount of effort exhausted him and he hated feeling like this, he hated feeling useless.

Bob followed Voight out. "Is that enough? Can you work with any of that?"

"I'm gonna try. We've got these guys names, Jake Beckwith and Derek Holmes." Voight asked if those names meant anything to him but he'd never heard of them before. They had even gone through any of Bob's arrests that may leave someone with a grudge. While that had pissed Bob off at the time when he thought about it rationally he would have done exactly the same thing. Voight promised to leave no stone unturned and that was precisely what they are doing.

"How can you not know who hired them?"

Voight rested his hand on Bob's shoulder. "Bob, trust me. I want this piece of shit to pay as much as you do and we are busting our butts 24 hours a day. These two clowns were amateurs, hired help I want the husband and this woman, whoever they are in my cage. You sure he's never talked about this Laura woman?"

"Never. He didn't really tell me much about his love life. Since Burgess dumped him he's been pretty cagey." He shrugged off Voight's hand. "You know she sits with him at night?"

"Burgess?"

"Yeah. He kept telling me that she was here and I didn't believe him. Then it stopped and the Nurses were worried because he started getting anxious and unsettled at night, complaining of suffocating and pulling out his drains and IV's. They asked about the woman who sat with him at night and we figured out it was Burgess. She'd been on night duty. Last night she came back, I asked her too and he slept all night. What the fuck is going on with them?"

"I don't know."

Everyone knew that Burgess sat with him, for four nights she would turn up and sleep in the chair next to his bed. Nobody talked about it though and not even Adam and Kim discussed it. Adam had not said one word to her, she would kiss him softly when she arrived and whisper something, letting him know she was there and again when she left but he never said a word.

Erin found her lying on the bench in the locker room one morning. "Tough night?" she threw her bag in her locker as Kim sat up and Erin took a seat next to her. "How you holding up?"

"Sleeping in a chair is not good for my health." She grimaced and rubbed her neck.

"You know, when we found him he was in pretty bad shape. He was barely alive." Erin shook her head tyring to displace the images of his battered body lying on that grotty bed. Stepping into that room and seeing Adam in the state he was had been a hard thing to shake. Adam was a larger than life personality and it had been hard to see his light dimmed lately but that vision of him bleeding out on the bed, stewing in his own bodily fluids had been absolute rock bottom. "He only ever said one word. He said your name."

"I did this to him." Kim let out a strangled sob. "This is my fault."

"It's not." When Erin tried to reach of for her Kim pushed her away. She didn't need anyone's sympathy now, the thought of someone tyring to comfort her made her skin crawl. The only person she wanted was Adam and that was never going to happen again. They were so far away from each other. How two people, who once shared this deep love could be in the same room together yet be so far apart was hard to fathom?

"Yes it is. If I'd been honest with him, if I'd talked to him we could have worked it out. I know we could have but I didn't. He was right, I was a coward."

"Kim."

"You know what Erin, I don't need your advice right now. You encouraged me to forget about him, you made it seem like Adam didn't care so why should I. You told me to move on like he was just some insignificant fling."

"I thought that was what you wanted."

Kim continued without really listening to Erin. "I guess I was stupid. You'd never been my friend before so why would you suddenly care about me?" She stood up and wiped her face with her hands. "I get the feeling that perhaps you just told me that to shut me up."

"Hey, I know you are angry and upset and scared."

"You've got no idea." Kim jumped up angrily when Erin made a move to reach out for her. A week ago nobody gave her the time of day and now everyone was falling over themselves to offer her advice and comfort just because she was now involved in Adam's recovery. Well, they could all just fuck off.


	9. You Can Go

**_Once we ran and lived as one_** ** _  
_** ** _In different world, my little one_** ** _  
_** ** _Where whispering trees and dark rivers run_** ** _  
_** ** _I told a dream to you – Bruce Springsteen._**

"Why are you here?" It was the first words he had uttered to her in almost a week. He was finally rid of his IV and drains, although he still wasn't moving much but the swelling on his face had subsided and the bruises had stopped deepening and some of the more minor ones were even starting to yellow and fade.

"Because it was the only way to get you to rest." Kim was a little stunned that he'd actually spoken. Most of the time he'd been asleep and although she had started staying a little longer after he woke up they just didn't talk.

"I didn't want to need you." A tear trickled out of the corner of his barely opened eye.

"I know." Kim felt her own eyes welling up.

"Please don't." The last thing he needed was to see her crying. It was too late. Now that he was feeling better all those memories came back, the reason he was alone, doing stupid things with people he didn't even like and that pain was starting to replace the physical pain.

"Don't what?"

"Cry. Don't cry over me now."

"Adam."

"You can go." How he managed to sound bitter and so hurt at the same time was heart wrenching.

"Okay. So we are done?" She picked up her bag and stopped beside his bed. He turned his head away and Kim hesitated before she placed a kiss on his temple, like she had done every time she arrived and before she left each morning. She noticed that the hand he was clenching his sheets in went slack.

"Will you be back tonight?" He wasn't looking at her.

"I don't think you need me anymore."

"Yes I do."

Running her hand down his arm, Kim's voice hitched in her throat. "I'll see you tonight."

"Fuck." He screamed before she was even out of earshot and it stopped her in her tracks. His mind was all over the shop, he didn't know what he wanted or needed. The lines were blurring between the two. He needed her to calm him down and now he wanted her to just be here, not to talk but just to sit and let him know that he hadn't fought so hard to stay alive for nothing.

Why couldn't he get her out of his head? Why was he so weak? He hadn't lied, he did wish that he didn't need her, but the sad pathetic thing about it all was he did. She was the only thing that had stopped him letting the sweet silence of death take him when he was beaten to within an inch of his life. Why didn't he have the guts to tell her that?

Erin called in to see him. "How's Kim?" he asked her. He wanted to know what was going on in her head but didn't have strength to ask her.

"I don't know. She's pretty upset and I haven't really talked to her."

"Why not?" That annoyed him. Initially he liked that people had his back but the way they treated Kim some days upset him. He never wanted this, he never wanted his relationship or lack of to become cannon fodder for gossips at work. They circled their wagons around him and that was comforting and those wagons drew closer when Kim continued to rip his heart out but that was between them. Kim was a good cop, it never should have been allowed to get as far out of control as it did.

"Kim doesn't want our help. I think she feels like she has no friends at work and we shut her out. She was pretty hurt when Hank wouldn't let her help find you."

"Why not?"

"He wanted to keep it in house and we knew that you had done your best to move on."

"Fucking joke that turned out to be."

"Kim's been here a lot." They all knew what was going on and because of that they just let it go and avoided visiting late at night. The packet of Gummy Bears that always sat beside his bed was a dead giveaway. Adam always had a packet in his desk drawer at work and in the past every time Kim came upstairs she was always rifling through his desk looking for them. Whatever was going on between them it was working? Adam's improvement had been rapid over the past week and there were even times he started cracking the odd joke and the old Adam was starting to break through.

"Yeah."

"And?"

Despite knowing that he needed her to be there each night he really still didn't know why she was doing it. "What? We barely speak. She doesn't want to be here, my Dad asked her to come so she's probably doing it out of some sense of guilt or pity. I don't know what."

"Adam, that's not why she's here. You know that." Biting her lip for just a moment she ploughed on. "Perhaps if you weren't so god damn stupid and stubborn when all this started you wouldn't be here right now."

"What was I supposed to do?"

"Talk to her, ask her what was going on. You keep saying you don't know why…."

He cut her off. "I know nothing Erin, nothing. She hasn't talked to me for months. I have no idea what I did to her. I don't know why she left. I don't know why she slept with Roman. I don't know why she wanted to hurt me so much." He was starting to get agitated and Erin tried to calm him down to no avail. "Can you just go, please?"

"Adam."

"Go, just fucking leave me alone. Why won't anyone just leave me in peace?" He turned his head away and closed his eyes. This conversation was over.

Someone had to fix this, this god damn mess they got themselves into. Kim may not want to talk to anyone but she could damn well listen because Adam certainly wasn't.

"What the hell are you doing?" Erin didn't even say hello, she pushed past Kim into her apartment before she had the chance to slam the door in her face.

"What now?" it was just one thing after another, she was tired, her back and neck hurt and she was hungry. Life had been a treadmill for the past week, a relentless cycle of work, hospital and home.

"With Adam? What are you doing to him? He's got no idea what happened? He's got no idea why you broke it off. He doesn't understand why you wanted to hurt him so much and now he's confused because he thinks you are only sitting with him out of some sad sense of guilt or pity."

"Whoa. Don't yell at me?" Suddenly her place felt crowded, for such a long time it had been empty of anything that could be called joy. She could not remember the last time someone, anyone was here? Maybe it was Adam? He'd always made this place come to life from the first night he knocked on her door. This place reflected her perfectly, sad and alone.

"Why not? I tried yelling at him, months ago and he blew me off. I tried talking to him today and he's being a stubborn ass so now it's time you heard it too."

"Heard what?"

"You were happy to let everyone think that Adam was the bad guy, that being around him was so terrible. You wanted to transfer out because of him?"

"I couldn't be around him."

"Why not? Because you didn't want to see what you'd done?'

"I hadn't done anything to him." It had been a long time since she honestly believed that but she wasn't in the mood to admit that to Erin. "He didn't do anything."

"You gave him back his ring, in the locker room at work. You didn't even have the courtesy of doing it in private. Everyone knew and when he walked back in the building the next day everyone was talking about it. How do you think that made him feel? How would you have liked that? He was a mess and then you just shut him out, completely. I saw you ignore him in the bullpen, we all did."

Kim was stunned. Is that what people saw, her shutting him out? She didn't ignore him to be mean; it was just easier than talking to him because that hurt too much. "It was more complicated than that."

"Oh, that's right. Roman, right? You had feelings for him and wanted an out? Is that it?"

"No."

"Well you certainly didn't wait to jump into bed with him. I told you that one broken engagement would follow you forever so you thought sleeping with Roman was a good idea? You just continued to rip his heart out over and over again. I don't get it." Honestly she didn't think she was that stupid, even when Kim told her about the theatre and her confused feelings for Roman she never thought she would go there. Obviously she was that stupid. "I thought you loved Adam."

"Adam didn't want me."

Erin waved her hand in some vague direction outside these walls. "Adam still wants you, right now to this very day that guy is in love with you. He was dying in a filthy motel and the only word he said was your name."

"Then why didn't he come after me?"

"Tell me something? If the shoe were on the other foot, if Adam had been the one to break it off, what would you have done? Honestly?" If she wasn't willing to fight for him, how could she just sit back and expect him to do the same?

"I don't know."

"I do, you would have cried yourself to sleep, been miserable and heartbroken and you would have avoided him."

"So?"

"What do you think he did?" When Kim didn't answer Erin did. "He cried, he was miserable and he tried to lick his wounds and he was heartbroken He didn't avoid you though, but you certainly made it damn difficult for him to even say more than two words and then you rubbed his nose in it by sleeping with Roman and letting him find out in Court. That was pretty god damn pathetic."

"That's not fair."

"Ever wonder why nobody was willing to tell you anything about Adam's case? Because we didn't trust you." That hurt. Erin could see the look on Kim's face as the realisation started to kick in. Ruzek may not have been perfect but he hadn't done anything to deserve to be treated like he had. He'd been in love, trusted someone so completely that when she broke his heart he was paralysed by his own fears and insecurities and he let it crush him.

"I can do my job." She squeaked out somewhat meekly although she knew this wasn't about how she worked as a cop.

"No they didn't trust you not to break his heart again."

"I love him." She cried.

And that was the sad truth, despite all this horror everyone knew that they both still loved each other and that's what made it so hard to understand. "You know what Kim, I actually believe you. I really do."

"Then what do I do? I don't know how to fix this."

"It's not me you need to convince."

"He won't talk to me."

Erin headed for the door but not before offering one final piece of advice. "Kim, for the love of god, he waits for you to come in every night just so he can sleep. Doesn't that tell you anything?"

She went back that night, pressing her lips to his forehead and letting them linger for just a moment. His eyes were closed but she could tell by his breathing that he wasn't asleep but he obviously wasn't in the mood to talk to her. As the nights had gone on she pulled the recliner closer and closer to his bed & then curled up into it.

At one point he did open his eyes and looked at Kim. They didn't speak though; silence was easier to deal with. It had taken him a while to calm down after Erin had left. Even when his parents came he was still on edge. Now he was calm though, as soon as he felt her kiss all the tension left his body and he drifted off to sleep.

"I'm on second shift tonight. Will you be okay?" Kim was standing beside his bed early the next morning and Adam reached for her hand as it rested on the edge of the bed. Lightly he touched her with his fingers. Up until that moment she had planned on going home after shift and getting a half decent night's sleep.

"So you'll be late?"

Okay, change of plans. She guessed another night sleeping in this chair wouldn't kill her.

Grabbing the only vase she could find she set about arranging the flowers and tucked the card between the stems and placed it in the middle of the small dining table. From her bag she pulled out a bottle of Widow Jane Bourbon and two shot glasses and left them beside the flowers before she took one last looked around and smiled as slipped back out, locking the door behind her.


	10. Did I Hurt You?

"You didn't have to send me flowers." Adam's text message surprised her and cheered her up. The first time he had sent her a message she had cried. He had asked if she was coming in to see him. It was getting late and she was tied up a work and when she had told him that she wasn't sure if she'd make it in he had sent her back a sad face. It was well past midnight when she finally made it into the hospital. There was no way she was letting him down once he had reached out to her. There was a huge shift that day.

Instead of sending him a message back she called him. They had come along way in just a couple of weeks; they had gone from almost enemies to strange friends with an undercurrent of that big love they shared. They hadn't talked about all their painful issues and sorrid past, somehow they had silently agreed that it wasn't the right time and it seemed to be working for now. At some point it needed to be addressed but right now they were almost acting like they had no history. "You got flowers? You got a secret admirer?"

"I hope so."

"Who are they from?" Kim wedged her phone between her ear and her shoulder and continued navigating the supermarket aisle.

"Come on Kim, no need to be coy."

"Adam, I didn't buy you flowers."

"Then I am guessing the Bourbon is not from you either?"

"No. You are not allowed to drink yet, that would just be cruel."

"Then how did they get in my apartment?" she could sense a little bit of panic in his voice. His mother had taken him home from the hospital, much to his displeasure. She was a little overbearing at the best of times and he had even jokingly called her the 'angel of death' once which went down a treat. She was falling over herself to do everything possible for her son and Adam had been self sufficient for a long time. He'd seen the flowers and drink on the table as had she.

"From Kim?" she'd asked.

"Maybe."

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but what's going on with you two?"

"Ah, nothing." He waved his hands up and down his body indicating that he was hardly in any fit state to do anything. "We are just learning how to actually be friends again."

"And what do you want to happen?"

"I want to be her friend. That's all." Adam really didn't want to get into it; he wanted his mother to leave him in peace. "Anyway, I think I'll be fine here. I am going to have a rest. Who knew walking from the car to my apartment would knacker me." And he literally pushed her out the door.

Kim picked up on his panic and felt her own heart start to race a little. "Is there a card?"

"It says Did I hurt you?" He was holding it in his hand, turning it over a few times. Something in his mind was starting to tick over but he couldn't quite grasp it, his head was still a little all over the shop but the assured him that wasn't unusual considering the massive concussion and trauma he had suffered.

"Adam, I didn't send you any flowers I swear."

He dropped the card like it was on fire. "Fuck." Now he sounded really freaked out.

"Adam, what is it?'

"It's her." They hadn't had any luck chasing down this mysterious girlfriend of Adam's. Her phone had been switched off, no GPS nothing. He had no address for her; they always hooked up at his place and at the time he didn't care. He didn't want to get in to deep with anyone so she would come over, they'd screw around for a few hours and then she'd leave. It suited him perfectly.

"Call Voight." Kim left her half full cart in the middle of the aisle as she bolted for the car. "Lock the door. You've got your weapon right?"

"Yes."

Within ten minutes his place was crawling with cops closely followed by Intelligence and then Kim. She barely had a minute to talk to Adam before Voight started barking orders. "Are you okay?" she briefly rested her hand on his cheek, her thumb barely grazing his skin through his rough beard.

"I am fine. Just a little freaked out, it's probably nothing."

"It's not nothing." Voight barked as he strode towards them and Kim stepped away.

Voight had them searching his building, knocking on neighbour's doors and canvassing the street. "How do you know they are from her?"

"Gut feel. It was also something she would say when….." he looked a little uncomfortable and Hank just nodded. He understood where that was going. Adam was grimacing as he tried to pace around his small place, which was way over-crowded. All he wanted to do when he was in hospital was get home and now that he was here it felt like a cage. The flowers put the final nail in his coffin; he needed to leave this place. "She's been in here."

"How?"

"I don't know. They were already in here, right there." He pointed to the middle of his small dining table. "When I got home."

Voight rubbed his brow. This case had got them all chasing tail, the trail, what little one they did have was stone motherless cold. "Okay. First things first, I want you in protective custody until we find this woman."

"I'm not hiding." The last thing he wanted to do was hide away like a scared little rabbit, he wanted to see her face to face but his Boss was having none of it.

"Yes, you are. You are a half lame duck right about now. You can't help or defend yourself. I don't want to have to worry about you again. I will not have my team compromised because they are worried about you."

"I can help, I can chase down leads, anything."

"No, you are not cleared for duty. You are getting protection, end of story. We've got a place that we'll send you."

"On one condition." He waited until Voight nodded, somewhat reluctantly but Voight had some idea what this was going to be about. "I want Kim to be protected too."

"Why?"

"She knows her name. I don't know what she's capable of." He pointed to his face, which still bore the obvious results of his brutal beating. "Or maybe I do."

"Not sure she'll agree."

"Make her, tell her that her job is to protect me. I don't care. Get Platt to order her, whatever it takes. I want her protected from whatever this is." He pointed at the flowers. "If she doesn't go, neither am I."

To say that Kim was impressed was an understatement. She finally felt like they were letting her get involved. They had her with Kevin talking to the neighbours so to be told that she had to pull back was not what she wanted to hear. "Why?"

"I am putting Ruzek in Protective Custody until we find this woman and her husband." Kim still didn't understand why this meant she couldn't work the case. "You are going with him."

"What if I said No?"

"It is not a request, it's an order."

"With all due respect Sgt Voight, you are not my Boss." Kim knew that it was pointless to argue but she had to at least try. She wanted to help find this person; she needed to show Adam and the rest of them that she could do her job. She needed to show him that she did care about him and she wanted to get her claws into this bloody woman. Voight was having none of it though.

"It's already been cleared with Platt." Two plain-clothes officers walked up behind her. "You are going now. I will get Lindsay to head to your place and grab you some clothes. Is there anything you need in particular?"

"No." Kim knew better than to argue with Voight. The decision had been made. She had no idea what was going on but she was damn sure going to drag it kicking and screaming out of Adam later. He'd already gone; Voight got him out of his apartment before he could even pack a bag. He also did not want them travelling together and he barked orders at his protection detail which left them in no doubt what would happen if they stuffed up even the smallest part of their job.

Their job was to get Adam to the safe house, a small two bedroom self contained unit in a secure building about an hour from the city. They would have everything they needed to live, a kitchen, TV and a small yard, but no WiFi or Internet. They were off the grid, even their phones were taken off them before they even left Adam's apartment. There needed to be no way of tracking them.

They had two officers with them each initially and then just two would be left. One outside in a van and the other stationed in an office just inside the main door. All other entry and exit points were heavily alarmed and had CCTV. Some pretty big whistle blowers had stayed here in the past. Adam had no idea it even existed which was entirely the point.

Kim dropped down onto the couch, folded her arms across her chest and glared at Adam. "Well you want to tell me what's this all about?"


	11. Oh God, Adam

"I guess you are annoyed?" Adam found her pouting a little amusing. Cute even, although it was so not the time to bring that up, he had a fair idea he wasn't her favourite person right about now.

"Annoyed? That's one word for it."

"I'm sorry you got lumbered with looking after me. Don't worry I will try not to be a burden."

They may not have talked about their past mistakes but they certainly talked about what was happening now and Kim had told him early on that she didn't need to be sheltered from anything that had gone on that was relevant to this case. "Adam, don't bullshit me. Please, we are way past that."

He glanced around the small living area suddenly very aware of how hard this was about to become. He probably should have thought this through a bit better. They were jammed in here for god knows how long with only each other for company. "Fine, I was worried about you. This chick, whoever she is, she knows your name."

"Why would she?"

The tilt of his head and subtle eye roll told her that he thought that was a pretty stupid question. "I guess I talked about you, more than I should have." He was so close to adding that no doubt she talked to Roman about him, that they probably shared quite the pillow talk but he swallowed that. He just wasn't ready to face that landmine.

Kim nodded. "I see. I guess she thinks I am a bitch then?"

"It wasn't all sunshine and roses, no." he agreed.

"Why do you think she would be worried about me?"

"I have no idea, literally. I don't know why I got taken and beaten, I don't know her real name apparently, she was in my apartment, she knew I was getting out of hospital." And that scared him. "I don't know what's going on or what's going to happen."

"I could be out there tyring to figure that out and now I am here twiddling my thumbs."

"I'm sorry." He slowly pushed himself out of the chair. It took quite a lot of effort to get moving once he stopped. "I'm going to lie down for a bit. Which room do you want?"

While she wanted to say that she would take the biggest room but that was closet to the bathroom and that wouldn't be fair seeing as Adam was still quite immobile so she pointed to the smaller room. "I'll take that one. Not that I have anything to put in it." Kim muttered. "Do you need some help?"

"No, thank you." Adam stopped and looked at her for just a moment. "Thank you, for everything."

If he wasn't so damn tired he probably wouldn't have slept. This had suddenly got bigger than Ben Hur and he was starting to feel things that he thought he'd finally buried for good and it was pushing aside everything else. His mind was spinning but as soon as he closed his eyes he was out.

Kim found a book to read once she had ferreted through the cupboards in the kitchen and found nothing useful. Apparently they were getting some food bought in soon and she hoped to god it included coffee and alcohol because damn if she didn't need a drink.

"Heard anything?" The sound of Adam's voice made her jump.

"Nothing." Popping in the bookmark she threw the book on the table and jumped up. "Can I get you anything? They finally delivered us some food."

"You know you don't need to fuss over me."

They had got back to their easy banter a little while ago and it felt comfortable and familiar, like slipping into a comfy pair of pyjamas but now things had got a little awkward again. "I thought I was here to look after you?"

"The last thing you want to do no doubt?"

"True, I'd rather be out there finding these bastards who did this to you but it is what it is." She shrugged. "Hopefully it's over soon."

"Keen to get away from me?"

Before Kim could answer they were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Haven't killed each other yet?" Erin smiled as soon as Kim answered.

"Not yet, give it time. If he carries on like he did in hospital with the nurses you won't have far to go to find his murderer." Erin bought in a couple bags, one for Kim and one for Adam. They had pulled together some clothes and toiletries for them both.

"Any news?" Adam had showed Erin where to put them and then waited until she came back out and joined them. To say there wasn't palpable tension in the room would have be a lie.

"Not yet. Just sit tight."

"Easy for you to say, you are not held captive in this tiny place with no end in sight." Kim tried to sound like she was joking but Adam picked up on the edge to her voice. He ignored it and Erin just looked uncomfortable.

Erin was fully aware that the real reason they were here was serious, about as serious as it gets but she did hope that it would force these two to at least have a conversation about their relationship. Since Erin had lit into Kim that day in her apartment they had started to get a little of their friendship back. At the end of the day, their mutual concern for Adam bought them together and put them on better terms, for now at least.

Kim did realise pretty quickly that Adam was pissed at her. As soon as Erin left he found his IPod in the bag that she had bought over, popped on his headphones and lay on the couch listening to his music so she just picked up her book and took it to her room and spent the afternoon there, reading and trying to push all the other shit out of her mind.

She must have dozed off and woke up to hear Adam moving about in the kitchen. "What are you doing?"

"Making dinner. I'm hungry." He didn't even look up from the chopping board where he was preparing some vegetables.

"I'll make dinner, you need to rest."

"I'm fine. I wouldn't want you to feel obligated, seeing as I am holding you captive and all." Obviously he hadn't cooled down over the past couple of hours. Neither of them wanted to be here, he'd felt useless for weeks because of this, his team was busting their asses on this case and his hands were tied. He was never one to sit back and watch other's work, he was always first through the door.

"Adam, don't be ridiculous."

"I get that you are pissed about being here, I don't want you to get hurt. Is that so bad?"

"Not at all." Kim came and stood beside him and rested a hand on his arm. "Adam, let me do this. You need to rest."

"Fine." He dropped the knife on the bench and left the kitchen. Kim breathed out slowly. This was going to be a long few days.

They didn't really talked throughout the evening, they watched a bit of TV and had an early night. Adam liked to think he was better than he was, things still tired him out and he didn't have the best appetite at the moment which when Kim had bought it up once in the hospital he shot her down in flames. "Well I am not actually doing anything am I, just fucking lying here like a useless slab of meat." Adam didn't do inactivity well.

It would have been nice to say that she hadn't slept well, but she had. Sleeping had never been Kim's issue and the more she was stressed the more she slept. Adam was the complete opposite, if he was stressed he would toss and turn and Kim would often kick him out of bed if he were restless. Good thing for Adam was that he didn't get stressed often, he just let most things roll off his back.

Not at the moment though and they all saw the issue that caused in the hospital and last night he had barely settled. He just wanted this over with, not the being close to Kim part, the part where he felt that she was in danger and that didn't sit well with him. He could do with out that.

He heard her get up, the toilet flush and then the shower run. That was something he didn't want to think about, her in the shower but he couldn't help but let his mind wander back in time, back to when he would have no hesitation jumping in with her, a lot of good things happened in the shower and he couldn't help but imagine the feeling of her wet skin beneath his fingers and he groaned and did his best to push it out of his mind. Thankfully once she got out of the shower Adam was able to doze off again and when he woke she was obviously now in the kitchen.

Kim had just started getting the things she needed to make an omelette for breakfast ready. She hadn't seen Adam this morning but hoped that the sound and smell of breakfast might lure him out, or at the very least she would take him in breakfast in bed.

Kim dropped the carton of eggs on the bench when she heard the crash and thud and without even hesitating she bolted into the bathroom and found Adam passed out on the floor. "Oh God Adam." She dropped to her knees beside him and her heart was in her throat. "Adam"


	12. Seen It, Felt It

Adam groaned a little as Kim grabbed his face and he could hear her calling his name desperately. "Adam."

"I'm okay." As he was trying to sit up Kim held him down with her hands and did a quick scan to make sure he wasn't bleeding. "Just stay still a minute." It was then that she realised that he was completely naked and she gasped and tried to ignore it as she helped him sit up and he rested his back against the cabinet.

"Are you hurt?" She was worried about his face, he was still recovering from the fractured cheekbone, his torso was covered in bruises and the stab wounds were angry and red. It was the first time that Kim had seen the extent of his injuries and they shocked her. He had kept them well hidden while he was in hospital. Kim scanned his body quickly, taking in his bumps and bruises, angry scars and his complete nakedness. She swallowed hard, god how she missed him, god how she loved this body. It was hard not to look and Adam, even in his foggy state noticed where her attention was momentarily focussed.

"No more than usual." He tried to smile but it was more of a grimace. "Can you help me up?"

She struggled to get him to his feet and then grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He smiled awkwardly when they both realised the reaction being close to her was causing. "Well I guess I've got good blood flow to one of my brains." His attempt to make a joke of it just made it more awkward and Kim suddenly tried to avert her eyes.

"Oh." Kim stuttered, feeling the heat spreading across her face as she blushed. "It's just a natural morning thing right?"

"No, it's because of you." It continued to amaze her how he could sound so flippant and flirty at the same time.

If you looked up uncomfortable in the dictionary it would surely say 'rescue your naked ex-fiancé when he faints after being brutally beaten because you dumped him and lost your fucking mind in the process.', or something similar. Kim tried to shrug it off, but the laugh was forced as she helped him back into the bedroom and sat him down on the bed. "You okay?"

"Yep. I just tried to move too quickly and my head was spinning a little, when I got into the bathroom it was warm and I guess I just fainted." He lay back down on the bed. "Thanks."

Kim didn't move, she sat on the edge of the bed and rested her hand on his stomach, relishing the feeling of it rising and falling with each breathe. Her fingers twitched just a little as the familiar wiry hairs tickled her fingertips. "You scared me."

"Sorry." Adam didn't open his eyes he was just enjoying the sensation of her hand on his bare skin and the feeling of comfort he got from having her beside him.

"Don't do it again."

"What faint? Or was it me being naked that was the problem?"

"The fainting." Kim poked him lightly. "The rest wasn't so bad, it wasn't bad at all." Adam smiled and while he didn't open his eyes he knew she would be smiling as well, somehow he could feel it in the way she was touching him.

"Good to know."

"You want some breakfast?"

"Among other things." Adam covered her hand with his. It was more than just a touch, which was all she was used to getting; Adam was running his thumb back and forth across her knuckles. Up until now Kim had been far more willing to have physical contact than Adam had. Every time she arrived or left the hospital she always kissed him on the forehead or cheek but Adam never made a move to reciprocate but she knew he came to expect it when he would turn his head slightly to allow it. Occasionally he would reach for her hand but more often than not she got nothing. He was definitely making her work for it.

"Would you settle for an omelette and a coffee?" It was a nice few moments, probably the nicest they'd had in months. It felt good. Verbally they hadn't really said much but emotionally and physically they had made some progress. Progress towards what they didn't know and didn't talk about, but it was progress.

"Sounds great."

"Don't rush to get up and call if you are feeling dizzy again." Dragging her fingers lightly across his stomach as she stood up she heard his sigh as she turned away and couldn't help but smile, just a little.

Kim leant on the bench and tried to breathe. As she reached for the carton of eggs she was surprised that her hands were shaking. She looked up as Adam came out of his room and blushed a little. "Still a bit flustered?" He teased her as he came to stand beside her.

"No, nothing I haven't seen before."

"Oh I know, seen it, felt it, kiss…." Kim covered his mouth with her hand.

"Don't you dare say one more word!" Against her hand she felt him smile before he offered to make them a coffee and the awkwardness started to dissipate.

"You still make a mean omelette." Adam pushed his plate away; he had all but licked the plate clean. Kim grabbed both plates and took them through to the kitchen.

"I think we both know my culinary abilities are limited at best." She filled the sink and started the dishes. This place lacked nothing, except a dishwasher. "Omelettes, chocolate chip cookies and a mean ragout and then I am out."

"I do remember. Those nasty dry chicken things you cooked once still give me nightmares." Kim laughed as he shuddered at the memory. It wasn't her greatest achievement but he did remember that it was a fun night despite having to order in food later on because they were starving.

"They weren't that bad."

"No? They turned to dust on my plate." He loved her smile. "I could go some of those cookies though?"

"Maybe we can get Lurch to get the stuff I need." They had jokingly nicknamed one of their guards, Lurch. He was tall, cumbersome and lacked anything that could be called a personality. He was apparently coming by at 10 to check in and see if they needed anything. Hopefully they would also hear something about the case today.

"You'd make me cookies?" The smallest of things excited him lately. He would never complain again about having to get up and go to work because this not working and lying around all day shit was doing his head in.

"Only because I want them too and I am a little bored."

"Am I boring you? Even with my little sideshow this morning?"

"Highlight of the day so far." Kim wiped down the benches. "You know I can't sit still for long."

"We never did that well did we? You can imagine how frustrating this is." He motioned up and down his own battered body. They were always on the go, even after a long week at work if they got a few days off they would grab some bikes and ride along the river, go rock climbing or hiking and occasionally sailing. At night they were more than happy to crash and watch TV but daytime was for living.

"It must be killing you." Adam nodded just as they heard a knock on the door. It was too early for Lurch and Kim was surprised to see Voight and he almost laughed at the surprised look on her face.

"Any news?"

"Nothing yet. We've got a few ideas to chase up. How are you two going?"

"Fine." Kim could sense that Adam was getting frustrated again. He hated feeling like he was sitting with his thumb up his ass while everyone else was out there trying to figure out his mess. And that's exactly what it was, it was his mess. He'd done this and he hated not being able to do a damn thing about it.

Laura, or whatever the fuck her name was had red flags flying from the moment she latched herself onto him at the crappy bar he found himself in. He should have sucked it up and fronted up to Molly's and not been scared off by the thought that he might run into them. He'd been gutless.

He was drunk, she was hot and willing and he just wanted to forget. Apparently she did too or so she had told him but he couldn't believe a word she had said anymore and it was embarrassing to admit that he was just consumed by something akin to hate to care who he hurt or how much he was hurting himself.

Mouse had tried to set him up with some random girl just after Kim dumped him but he didn't need it. He wanted to lick his wounds in private and didn't want to do anything that would ruin his chance of getting Kim back whenever she got over this little spat she was having.

Then she had seemingly dug her heels in, shunned him completely and then started screwing Roman so he hit this bar and hooked up with the first hot body that crossed his path. She took his mind off Kim, at least for a while anyway.

Until things went to shit when she started telling him about her psycho ex husband but her sweet body and the lure of a good convenient screw had sucked him in and he ignored all the nagging doubts he had because for those brief moments when they were screwing his heart didn't hurt.

He didn't know much about her husband but knew enough of what his captors were talking about to realise that at the very least he was behind this and possibly her too.

"What leads?" Kim asked.

"We'd rather not say."

"Why not? What the hell can we do about it? We don't even have a phone, we are stuck here with nothing, knowing nothing." Adam ranted. "I have a right to know."

"Ruzek, just calm down. When I have something solid I will let you know. Hang tight."

"Sure. Whatever." He threw his hands in the air and disappeared into his bedroom. Kim jumped a little when the door slammed. She looked at Voight and his expression didn't change. Adam's temper tantrum was not going to sway him.

"Is he okay?" Voight sat down next to Kim and whispered.

"He's just frustrated and pissed off. He blames himself for all this trouble and hates not being able to help. He's okay most of the time."

"Physically?"

Kim knew that Adam would be annoyed that she told Voight about the fainting but she was worried and would really prefer if he knew so that if things went sideways with Adam at least Voight wasn't blindsided. He assured her that he was fine and it certainly wasn't the first time he had ever got dizzy, occasionally he would get dizzy or lightheaded after a particularly heavy workout if he hadn't drunk enough water and he had periods of low blood pressure in the hospital when he would get up after long periods of lying down so it wasn't a complete shock. "He fainted this morning."

"Really. Is he okay? Do you want me to organise a Doctor to come out?"

"Can you? I'd really rather he got the once over. I know it will piss him off but for my peace of mind I would prefer if you did."

"Adam." Kim knocked quietly on his door and slowly opened it when he didn't answer. He was lying on his back, listening to music. He rolled his head to the side when she came in and pulled out the ear buds.

"Voight's gone?"

"He has." He shuffled over so that Kim could sit on the bed next to him; her hand twitched a little until she nervously placed it on his chest. Taking a deep breath she waited to see if he looked uncomfortable but he didn't so she left it there. "He's going to send Will Halstead over later today."

"What for?"

"Just to give you a check up."

"I don't need it." As she expected he sounded annoyed.

"I do."

Adam sighed and covered her hand with his, holding it against his chest. He was making it quite clear he liked having her here and he wanted her to stay. "Just for you then."


	13. It's Going To Take A While

Will Halstead did arrive, as promised and gave Adam the once over and declared that he was fine, that he needed to drink more fluids, rest more and not do anything too strenuous. "You've still got the after effects of a pretty severe concussion. It's going to take a while."

"Not sure having a shower could be considered strenuous."

"Well then, just take it easy. Don't jump out of bed; sit up and stay for a bit before you get up. Easy does it."

"You happy now?" Adam asked Kim once she had shown Will out. He had been lured out of his room by the smell of freshly baked cookies.

"Yes I am." Making him sit down she bought him a glass of water instead of a coffee and plate of cookies, hot straight from the oven. "What did he say?"

Adam frowned as he looked at the glass of water but Kim refused to get him anything else until he'd finished it. "I don't need to tell you because I heard you asking Will."

"Fair point but I want to make sure you heard him."

"He said I need to drink more water…" he held up the empty glass. "..and not shower alone." Adam shoved a cookie in his mouth and she did enjoy the look of pleasure on his face. He had always loved her cookies. Most times she barely got them off the tray before he was grabbing a handful. She hadn't made them in such a long time; actually she hadn't made them since she broke up with him.

"He did not."

"No? You sure about that?"

Kim retreated to the kitchen to clean up but he swore he saw the faintest hint of a smile.

Adam slept most of the afternoon and Kim returned to her book and took a nap herself. It was boring but the forced relaxation was kind of nice, it had been a long time since Kim had some else around. The last few months she hadn't really spent time around other people. Sure she went out a few times with Tay but since she'd been moved back to her old beat even that had stopped as they were rarely on the same shift.

Kim was still sleeping when Adam woke; he lay on his bed and listened to the quiet hum of life in a strange place. He didn't really miss his apartment; he hadn't enjoyed the place for a while now and he was planning on moving once his lease ran out anyway because he had too many memories of Kim but now it was more a necessity, he couldn't go back so he would need to find a new place. Despite that he wanted his life to return to normal, whatever that was. It was hard to tell lately what his normal was because he'd been on a downward spiral for months. He held his shit together at work while his private life crashed and burned.

"Hey." He was watching TV when Kim came out. "You have a sleep?"

"I did." Dropping down beside him on the couch Kim popped her feet up on the table. "What we watching?"

"Orange is the New Black."

"I thought there was no way you were ever watching chicks in Jail?" No matter how often she tried to get him to watch it he refused claiming that he'd had enough of dealing with criminals at work and didn't really want to spend his time watching a TV show about a pretty blond girl in jail.

"Changed my mind."

Kim turned her head and looked at him. "And what to you think?"

Before he could answer they were suddenly in the midst of a lesbian sex scene. "I was enjoying it but I think it's just become a little awkward."

"Why?"

"Brings back some memories."

"Of Lesbian sex?" That surprised Kim and Adam caught a glimpse of her surprise and he bit his bottom lip briefly.

"No, of you." When Kim looked at him he was staring straight ahead at the TV. The way they were careening from comfortable to awkward was getting exhausting.

"I miss you in my life." Kim's sudden declaration shocked both of them and the following silence was confronting as they both tried to process what they were doing and where they were going. She desperately wanted to fill the silence but she also wanted to let Adam at least acknowledge what she said. If she started talking he would probably just choose to ignore it.

"I do too."

"Where did we go so wrong?"

"You tell me? I still don't understand what I did to you to make you hate me."

Is that what he really thought? That she broke their engagement because she didn't like him anymore? That wasn't the reason; that was so far from the truth it wasn't funny but perhaps, she realised he didn't know that. "I never hated you Adam, never. I loved you."

He didn't expect that to hurt as much as it did. He was hoping that if she could tell him why she hated him he could put it in his past and move on because he was such a long way from being okay with this. "Just not enough to stay with me?"

"I didn't think you wanted to get married, you kept putting off the date."

"You kept asking me to." He was right about that. At the time she didn't see it that way, she just accepted that every time she asked him to put it off and he agreed it was just reinforcing her fears. The problem was her fears weren't really hers, they had been put in her head by someone who she was starting to see had an ulterior motive. A test, how pathetic was that….what the fuck was she thinking?

"I got scared."

"I was terrified. I didn't want to end up like my parents but I was willing to try." Adam turned off the TV. "It was you who didn't want to get married."

"What about the dinner?"

"With your Mom?" Kim nodded and he waited just a second before he continued. "That was pretty shitty of me but I got scared. You always said your Mom hated you being a cop so I knew she wasn't going to be happy with me and when my Pops pulled out of the dinner I lost my buffer and I didn't handle that as well as I should have." He looked genuinely upset. "I should have talked to you about how scared I was, I didn't want her to meet me and have her be disappointed. Before I knew it though you'd given me my ring back and shut me out."

"Adam."

"No, please Kim. I don't want to hear it. It's too late."

"Why?" She grabbed his hand but he pulled it away and she felt like she'd been burned. "Because of Roman?"

"I saw you two together, at the theatre that night." Kim looked at her hands and they were now clenched tightly in her lap. Of course she knew that now, ever since Kevin had told her that while he was still in hospital. "I know I should have tried earlier but I did, I did try to talk to you and you made it perfectly clear that you couldn't even bear to be around me. What was I supposed to do? So I came to the theatre, I knew you'd still go and I thought if I turned up at least you'd see that I still thought about you and cared but you'd moved on already with him and that hurt more than anything."

"I didn't ask him to come. He just turned up."

"You didn't tell him to leave either."

"No, I didn't I was lonely and hurting and I thought he was being a good friend."

"You couldn't see what I saw, or you didn't want to see it or perhaps you did and you liked it."

"Everyone saw it that day in the District. Your jealousy." It was a strange conversation they were having, there was no anger or bitterness. It was raw and honest and the painful truth of how two people who loved each other could let it slip away to nothing.

"But you didn't see how much I was hurting. Every time you saw me you just looked straight through me, you didn't care how I was feeling. I hated myself for letting you go, I was upset because you talked to everyone but me. You talked to Roman about me, Erin, Al's strange half daughter who just lobbed up at our place and some random criminal you picked up from Jail but you never talked to me." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "And because you lied to me, you hurt me and you didn't care."

"I did care, God Adam, I still do. I wanted everything but I was too scared to ask you for it in case you said no. I let other people put these thoughts in my head and I didn't want to ask you about it because if you said that you didn't want to marry me I couldn't handle it so I ran." Kim was surprised she managed to get that out without crying, because she was on the edge. "I thought I was protecting myself from getting hurt, but I wasn't and I didn't know what to do about it."

"I had no idea what I'd done. I know I didn't do what you wanted me to do." He watched his hands as he flipped the remote over and over and Kim wanted to snatch it away and get him to look at her.

"Adam…"

"I know you wanted me to get on my knees and beg but you weren't willing to fight for me either."

"Biggest mistake of my life."

"That day in court…"

"No please, Adam." Kim buried her face in her hands briefly. "I can't believe I did that, the look on your face haunted my dreams for months, sometimes it still does. I've always tried to treat people the way I expect to be treated. You did nothing to deserve the way I treated you. You always had my back, you always looked out for me, and you knew when I needed to be hugged or left to cry. You made me laugh, you made me happy and you always made me feel loved and adored. I threw that away for nothing. Nobody ever has made me feel the way you do, nobody else has ever made me feel like I can do anything or be anything I wanted to be. You never told me my dreams were wrong or unattainable, you let me have my dreams and you wanted me to achieve them. I'm sorry Adam. I'm sorry for hurting you."

"Did you contemplate leaving with him when he asked?" Kim had no idea how he knew about that, she figured that Kevin knew, as he was in the bar that night and he obviously told Adam at some point.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I didn't love him and I was not about to throw away my whole life and career for someone who should never have been anything more than a friend." Tears were now streaming down her face unchecked and if she wanted Adam to reach out for her she was disappointed.

He didn't even look at her. "Did you cheat on me with him?" He needed to know because if the answer was yes then all this was for nothing, there was no going back.

"No." Kim did not hesitate. "No Adam." There was something in the way she answered him that he knew she was telling the truth. He could feel it. "I never cheated on you. That thing with Roman happened well after that day in the District with the laptop."

Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime he added quietly. "You should have trusted my love for you." Running his hands through his hair he sighed and slowly eased himself off the couch. He'd been close to her for long enough. "Because it was pure. It was real and it's unending."


	14. It Would Be Easy

Kim placed the plate in front of him. They hadn't really spoken for the rest of the afternoon, Adam had disappeared into his room again and they basically avoided each other until Kim knocked on his door and told him dinner was ready.

"Fried egg?" Adam cocked one eyebrow, tilting his head and smiling. "You remembered."

It was his favourite thing ever. A fried egg on top of a piece of steak was his ultimate food indulgence. Kim could think of nothing more disgusting but he loved it and took great pleasure in ordering it when they were out at their favourite steak restaurant with very specific instructions on how he liked his egg.

"I do." Kim looked down a little shyly. Could she be anymore desperate to make him happy? He had been right; she didn't trust his love for her. All long she told herself she didn't do it because there was no love, she did it because she did love him but obviously she didn't believe that he felt the same and she never asked him. Like someone who read horoscopes and then convinced themselves that it was fact and would twist things to fit with what they'd read, Kim listened to everyone else's advice and convinced herself that it was how Adam felt. She never, not once asked him. She'd been played and she was a fool and she may have lost the best thing she ever had.

He cut into his egg and whistled his appreciation as the gooey egg yolk ran out over his steak. "You know we had to have that conversation. We couldn't ignore it forever."

"I know; I just hate myself."

"Don't." Shoving a piece of meat and egg into his mouth he moaned with pleasure and he obviously loved it and Kim just enjoyed watching him for a moment.

"Why not, you do?"

Adam shook his head as he chewed. "I don't hate you, not even close. This would be easy if I did."

"You don't have to say that to make me feel better."

"Kim, I don't hate you, I hated some of the things you did but I never hated you." He sounded like he was done talking about it and quite frankly he was. It was going around in circles. As far as Adam was concerned they had said what needed to be said and that was it. What it meant now and in the future was yet to be seen. "This is good." He took another bite. "You can add this to your list of culinary achievements."

"What a fried egg on a slab of meat? Such an achievement."

"Best thing I've eaten in months."

Watching a movie that night the old easy banter returned and the earlier conversation was forgotten. They had always been good at mocking movies and TV Shows and Kim had made them watch 'The Lucky One.' At least it had started out in some warzone but his hope had quickly faded.

"What are we watching?" Adam groaned.

"Zac Efron."

"I didn't know there was a movie called Zac Efron."

"Well no, there is not but you know he's my secret celebrity free pass." Adam had deliberately sat close to her and he liked it when Kim leant on his shoulder a little and he could the faintest hint of a blush.

"How could I forget?" Of course he hadn't forgotten, how could he. There was not much about her that he had forgotten and that was half his problem. Even being close to her the last few weeks he started to enjoy the smell of her again. When she used to brush past him at the District when they were on the outs the smell she left behind made him feel sick, now it had become comforting again. "It's not so much of a secret."

"Oh damn, really? I thought I kept that well hidden."

"Well every time we watch one of his movies you get….." he let the rest of the sentence tail off. Neither of them needed to reminded what would happen after Kim watched a Zac Efron movie, more often than not Adam was definitely always the Lucky One.

Lucky tonight however meant sitting together watching a movie, picking holes in it constantly and just enjoying being close to one another. Kim thought that he almost was going to give her a good night kiss. He stared at her for just a moment, cocked his head, smiled and patted her on the leg. "Good Night."

Kim woke up with a start. She suddenly had the feeling that someone was watching her. "Oh God Adam." She sat bolt upright. "Are you okay?" He was standing in her doorway and it was the sudden flood of light into her room that obviously woke her.

"Kim." His voice was trembling and barely above a whisper.

She flew out of bed. "Adam. What's wrong?" He was shaking, standing in her doorway in just his boxers and looking terrified. His breathing was laboured and Kim started to panic. Was he hurt or sick? He didn't feel hot when she touched his forehead but he was sweating. She grabbed his hands and tried to get him to focus on her, she desperately needed to bring him back from wherever he was. "Adam. Look at me." He pulled his hands away like he'd been holding them over a fire that had just got too hot.

"Adam."

Suddenly he gasped and even in the half-light she could see the terror in his eyes. "I had a dream. She was here and she took you away." He grabbed her tightly by the forearms, she knew he wasn't trying to hurt her but his grip was so tight that she winced and he suddenly let go.

"Who?" Kim led him over to and gently pushed him down on the bed. He was unsteady on his feet and Kim was worried he was going to faint again and he was far too heavy for her to catch.

"Her name, Janet. It wasn't Laura, her name is Janet." He pressed his fingers over his eyes as he desperately tried to make sense of what was in his head and he started to panic again, he didn't want to lose it. It was coming and going and it had woken him up suddenly and he was unsure of where he was and started to panic. Without really knowing how he got here he was now with Kim and he didn't know if he was still dreaming but she felt real. "It starts with M. I can't remember."

Kim was rubbing his back. "Just breathe Adam."

"She just laughed at me as she took you away. I couldn't stop her. I can't remember her name. I need to remember." His breathing was shallow and Kim was desperate to get him to calm down and mimicked some deep breaths encouraging him to breathe with her. "I couldn't get to you."

"I'm here Adam, it's okay." Kim grabbed one hand and rested it on her cheek, covering it with her own and held the other hand tightly in his lap. "I'm here."

Slowly his breath started to even out and he felt his head clearing. "Martin….no Morris."

"Janet Morris. Is that her name?"

"Yes."

"How do you know that?"

"I heard them. I think I heard them. In my mind, I tried to pretend to be asleep or unconscious when they were talking. They were talking about her and her husband. How insane they were. What they wanted to do with me." His head snapped up suddenly and the terror had gone and been replaced by tears. "I couldn't save you."

"Okay." She kissed his temple softly. "Okay. They are not here now. It's just you and me and we are both okay. I'm here and I'm safe, so are you." She eased him back onto the bed. "Come and lie down."

"Don't go."

"Adam, I'm going to be right here. Right beside you." She crawled into bed beside him and let him rest against her chest. They didn't talk but Kim knew he wasn't sleeping and probably only dozed off just before dawn. This wasn't how she wanted to have him come back to her bed and seeing him so distressed was heartbreaking but Kim was glad she was here for him; it was time for Kim to repay him for all the times he held her while she cried.

Kim must have dozed off also and when she opened her eyes Adam was looking at her. "Are you okay?" was the first thing out of her mouth. Her fingers brushed over his still bruised cheek and she didn't like how weary he looked.

"Yes."

"The dream?" Kim kissed his forehead as he closed his eyes. "Do you remember it?"

"More like a nightmare. I remember some of it. I know she was going to hurt you."

"Lucky I am here then, with you. You'll keep me safe." Her hand was still on his cheek and her thumb was running lightly up and down beside his ear. She could feel the heat radiating off him, his barely dressed body was so close to hers and all she had on was a tank top and her panties. Erin certainly hadn't gone all out with the packing, more than likely that was deliberate.

"Always." He rolled away and stretched out on his back and hooked one hand behind his head, he needed to not be so close to her right now. One thing would make him feel better though but that would be crossing a line and neither of them was ready for that. "It was pretty vivid."

"You said her name. Do you remember that?"

Adam nodded and closed his eyes. "Janet Morris." It was clear as day. Why now? Why couldn't he remember this weeks ago? He started to shake a little, just enough for Kim to notice so she moved closer to him and rested a hand over his heart. "Breathe Adam."

"I can't."

"She's not here. It's just you and me. Intelligence is going to find them, now we have a name. Trust them."

"Your safe here. You need to stay here." Now she knew why he really wanted her here. While he didn't really understand what had happened to him and why he wanted and needed to protect her but Kim knew, without a doubt in that moment that he still loved her and she just had to get him to allow himself believe it.

"I am safe here with you."

"I never loved her, or was ever going to. After that day in court, up until then I never…." Kim knew what he was trying to tell her, everyone else had made her painfully aware that Adam hadn't been with anyone else up until he found out about her and Roman. "I was so out of my mind." Adam was staring at the ceiling but he appreciated that Kim was still so close. "It was just sex. You know that kind of sex to get over your ex thing."

"I do know. It never works though does it?"

"No. It just made me miss you even more." He chuckled a little painfully. "Initially I wanted to parade her around town to shove it in your face but she didn't and by the time I figured out why I was in too deep."

"Why do you think she's involved?"

"I don't know, I just do or at the very least she knows who did this." Without noticing it Adam was running his fingers up and down her bare arm. "Can we not talk about it right now?" Kim agreed to leave it for now. They would have to go over it again when Voight arrived and Kim could feel the tension leave his body so they lay down together and didn't talk.

"I'm going to have a shower and then make us a coffee and breakfast."

"Okay." He tugged on her hand when Kim started to climb off the bed. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me Adam." She squeezed his hand.

"Feel free to faint in the shower I promise I'll rescue you." Adam winked at her and Kim felt her stomach flip. He wasn't in her room when she got out and she found him in the kitchen already making a start on breakfast.

"I would have done that?"

"I needed to do something to take my mind off things." He was making them pancakes and Kim spied the packet of chocolate chips on the bench. Just as the fried egg was his favourite thing, chocolate chip pancakes rated highly on her list of food indulgences. Seems as if they were both desperate to make each other happy.

Kim rested a hand on his back as she reached for the first pancake on the plate. "Your nightmare?"

"No, you."


	15. Ditto

"Janet Morris. You sure?"

"I am Al, I heard them talking about her and on the phone. I swear. Can you look into it?" Today they sent Al, it wasn't the same person each day, just so they never established a pattern and it was now early afternoon and they had just finished lunch. Adam had been anxiously waiting all day for someone to turn up. Kim had talked to him about his dream off and on when he felt like it and she had written down his often-rambling recollections.

That nightmare had thrown him way of kilter again and that glazed over look he had sported for a few days after they found him had come back. He was stressed and Kim had to be extremely patient with him and tried not to take anything he said personally. Even though sometimes it got a little ugly. He also started talking about things he thought or felt while he was struggling to stay alive, how there were times that he wanted to die and when he finally admitted that the only reason he kept fighting was because of her, Kim burst into tears. Adam was a bit stunned by her sobbing and had to leave the room. How much more could they take?

"We'll definitely chase it up as soon as I am out of here. You did good kid." Al grabbed the back of his neck and leant his forehead on Adam's. It was a sweet moment between a mentor and his protégée and bought a tear to Kim's eye. Although, to be fair she had been teetering on the edge of crying all day.

Kim walked Al to the door. They were still not exactly on the best of terms but Al's overriding concern for his partner and the obvious connection Kim had forged with Adam again since the assault had smoothed things out somewhat. He could sense that the only reason Adam was able to remember and talk about his attack right now was because Kim was by his side. "How is he really doing?" he asked quietly.

"Up and down. Today has been really, really rough. I hope you find these people, until then this is about the best he's going to get." Al squeezed her arm and promised that they would get them and she believed him.

"You two were whispering about me?" He wasn't a complete idiot.

"Yes."

"And?"

"He's just worried about you, like I am."

"You know I never asked any of them to shut you out." Despite the feeling of family support he felt in the beginning he never wanted it to get as bad as it did.

"I know. I was kind of oblivious to the consequences of my behaviour and just expected things to stay the same. I have a lot of work to do to get people to respect me again."

His eyes narrowed slightly. "It wasn't your Police work that they don't respect, it was your treatment of others. Perhaps your lack of respect for other people you work with. The fact you treated people like shit and expected everyone to pat you on the back and say oh you poor thing." In the morning he had bounced all over the place with his emotions and it seemed that he was still doing it.

And it hurt. It wasn't unfounded but sometimes his brutal honesty was a little too intense. "You could have softened that blow."

"Ditto." He hissed.

"Touché." she waved her hand and grabbed the empty coffee mugs from the table. This wasn't a day she was going to forget easily; it had been brutal.

Kim stayed out of his way for a while and they didn't talk. "So what now?" He threw the TV remote on the table. He could not watch anymore TV; he was going stir crazy.

"I found a jigsaw puzzle in one of the cupboards."

"Jigsaws. Is this what we have become. Aren't we supposed to do this when we are old and grey?"

Kim screwed up her nose. "I know, it's pathetic isn't it."

"I guess it's nap time then." Adam started towards his bedroom and stopped and held out his hand. "You wanna come?"

"I'll just finish up here." That had thrown her for a big loop. Adam was asking her to come with him, he was reaching for her and it was confusing. It wasn't long ago he was telling her that it was her lack of respect for people that had forced everyone to turn their back on her and in particular she knew he was referring to the whole Roman debacle. Adam had obviously lost faith in her but now he was holding out his hand and wanting to be close to her.

She finished washing the few lunch dishes and nervously joined him. He wasn't asleep but he didn't say anything he just moved over and let her lie down beside him as he reached for her hand and laid it on his chest, covered it with his own and within minutes she could hear his breathing even out and she could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath her fingers as he fell asleep.

It was akin to when he was back in hospital; the moment she arrived he slept peacefully. Last night had rattled him and he was still trying to work his way through it. Maybe that's all this was. He was tired and he needed her to help him sleep. Back then he had told her that he 'didn't want to need her' but he did and right now he was back there again, he needed her. Kim convinced herself that this was all it was as she drifted off herself.

For Adam that wasn't quite the case anymore, he needed her beside him so he knew she was safe. Irrational? Yes obviously, as she was safe but nonetheless it was what he needed to stay calm and feel in control.

They both slept solidly for a couple of hours. It was no surprise as they both got little sleep last night. Kim woke before Adam did and just stayed and watched him sleep, her hand was no longer on his chest but they were still close and up until last night, when he had slept with his head on her chest this was the closest they had been in such a long time and she did not want to move.

"You're watching me?" Kim jumped a little when he spoke and he laughed but didn't open his eyes.

"How did you know?"

"You're breathing changed and I heard you sigh."

Kim propped herself up on one elbow and took a risk and ran her hand down his arm and slipped it into his. Thankfully he didn't pull away and linked his hand with hers. "I was just thinking how much I missed this."

"Me too." Adam squeezed her hand softly before sitting himself up and swinging his legs out of bed.

"Where you going?"

"Bathroom, you can watch if you like?" He sat on the edge of the bed for a moment and Kim asked him if he was okay. "In case I faint again."

"I'd rescue you."

"Ha, I'm counting on it." And as he left he touched her cheek gently and smiled.

Kim stretched out on his bed and waited for him to come back but he didn't and that surprised her a little. He was standing outside in the small yard with his hands on his head, swaying softly. Kim watched him from the doorway but didn't interrupt him. As much as she wanted to push him, push whatever it was she felt they were building towards she knew it could be a disaster if she tried to rush it. Slow and steady, Kim she kept telling herself. It's going to take time.

When he came back inside Kim was standing in front of the open fridge disappointed at its meagre contents. "You think we can get Lurch or Baby Kev to bring us some pizza or burgers?" She really didn't feel like cooking.

Baby Kev was their favourite, although Lurch was amusing enough. Baby Kev was a smaller, more energetic version of Kevin if that was even possible and he was eager to please. Being tasked to look after one of Intelligence's own was a big thing for someone with ambition. Lurch was happy doing his thing but Baby Kev, he was going places.

"Sounds good." They waited until they had their regular check in and Baby Kev was more than happy to order something for them, they couldn't do pick up because they couldn't leave and neither could it be delivered to their door so it took a bit of juggling. Kim also begged him for some beer. Adam wasn't supposed to be drinking but she was gagging for a beer or wine and Baby Kev was such a pushover.

They were like two kids at Christmas when dinner arrived and Adam whined and moaned for long enough that Kim finally gave him a mouthful of her beer and the look on his face as the cool liquid slid down his throat made her laugh. He hadn't had a skerrick of alcohol for more than a month and it was about the best thing he had tasted. "Yes Baby." He took another quick mouthful before handing it back.

"Well you looked like you enjoyed that?"

"Better than sex."

"Ha."

"Well, not all sex. Better than anything I've had for months."

"That's sad."

"What about you?" Did he really want to know? Probably not. He would hate to think that she had enjoyed being with someone else when he struggled with it.

"Me?" Kim took a long pull on her beer. "I wouldn't know. I've decided that celibacy is the best thing for me right now, I just want to focus on my career and earn people's respect back."

Adam sucked some air through his teeth and nodded. "I am sure you will." He grabbed the bottle from her hand, his fingers lingering on hers for just the briefest of moments. "Hopefully things start turning your way soon." He finished off the beer.

Leaning forward he grabbed all the rubbish from their burgers and threw them in the bag and took it through to the kitchen. Kim was confused by his sudden change in mood.

"Adam?" She followed him. "What did I say?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit, let's stop the bullshit."

"You want to focus on your career and I get that, I really do." Adam did understand, he'd done it himself, focussed on his job and up until that day in court he'd done perfectly well. "You've sworn off men so where does that leave me?"

"Here." She pointed to her chest. "Right here. Where you've always been, every single day."

Adam wasn't expecting that and he had no idea what to say. So he walked away.


	16. The Other Piece

Kim tossed and turned. If one thing could make her not sleep it was Adam Ruzek. He was driving her to distraction and she could barely think straight. One minute he was flirty and suggestive and the next he barely spoke. She knew that the nightmare had rattled him so his erratic behaviour was to be expected it was just hard to know where she stood and where he wanted this to go.

Adam had said nothing and returned to the lounge. Kim eventually joined him as he had flicked through the channels on the TV and found some crappy action movie to watch, she couldn't even remember what it was called. They had sat on the couch and hardly spoke for the rest of the night and once the movie had finished he said goodnight and went to bed, seemingly unable to get away from her quick enough.

This had to stop. This back and forth was doing her head in. What the fuck was he playing at? She was just about to give up on sleep and turn on her light and grab her book when the door opened and Adam came in quietly and climbed into bed with her. He reached for her hand again and rested it on his chest. "Why can't I stay away from you?" he said eventually.

"You keep pushing me away."

"I'm confused." And that was the truth, he'd lay awake painfully aware that Kim was in the next room. The way she had told him that he had always been in her heart had shocked him. It wasn't what she said it was the longing in her voice that cut through him. He honestly thought that she had wiped him from her life and the past few weeks had been confusing especially for someone whose brain had been scrambled. Now the fog was starting to clear a little and he tried to make sense of it all but all he could think about was how much he wanted to be with her again, once? No, he needed to make sure it wasn't just going to be a one time thing, a consequence of being stuck in this situation. He couldn't handle that, he would rather have nothing than taste her again and lose her. It would kill him.

"About what?"

"This." He moved her hand so it was over his heart. "It's broken but I can't put it back together."

"Why not?"

"Because you've got hold of the other piece."

Kim felt around in the gloomy darkness for his face and gently kissed him. At first he didn't respond but when she went to pull away he found the back of her neck with his hand and held her still while he kissed her back. While he started begging for access with his tongue Kim resisted and eventually he let her go. "I don't want to hurt you." He couldn't bear the sadness in her voice.

"You already have."

"No physically. I don't want to hurt you. You're still injured."

"Then best you be gentle with me."

They were lying side by side, still enough distance between them so that they weren't really touching but not far enough apart so that they could ignore the heat that was coming off each of their bodies. Kim touched him first, she ran her hand over his chest, down over his stomach and came to a stop on his hip. "Don't stop." He whispered.

He felt her hesitate when she found the barely healed scar on his leg. "I hate this."

"What? Being here with me?"

"No, I hate this scar, I hate all your scars and bruises and broken bones." She was crying. "I hate them. I want to fix you, I wanted to find you and fix you. It was my fault."

"It wasn't your fault. I knew she was trouble."

"But if I'd just talked to you, we could still be together and happy."

"And if I'd stopped you walking out of that locker room." he couldn't let her take all the blame however much, at some point he did blame her for everything that had happened to him. When he was lying in that filthy motel he did have some moments when he wanted to blame her. "We both made mistakes. I don't want to play the 'what if' game right now Kim. Do you?"

"No." And she didn't, what they were doing was far more appealing than opening up old wounds again.

"Kim, this is not a one time thing for me, I don't want to walk out of here without you but if you think that we can't work this out, I will walk out of this room now and that's it." Adam rested a hand on her cheek. "But if this is what you, if you want to try and make this work then keep going." So she did, without a moment of hesitation she ran her hand down the outside of his thigh and back up the middle over his hip again and there she stopped, dug her fingers in and pulled herself closer to him. Adam tugged at her tank top. "Take this off." She sat up quickly and tossed it aside. Adam rolled gingerly to the side of the bed and switched on the bedside light. "I want to see you."

It was a little intense watching him as his eyes roamed over her and he bit his bottom lip as it started to quiver while drinking her in, this beautiful body that he'd adored for so long. Reaching out to touch her he let his fingers dance over her heart before dragging them down over her breast. "Oh God Adam." Kim closed her eyes. "Look at me." He demanded softly. "I want to see your eyes."

They were in no rush, what else did they have to do in this place. There was a difference between having sex, grabbing a quick screw and what they were doing here. This was about love, a deep all consuming love that while it had got lost for a while it had never gone away.

He hooked a finger under the waistband of her underwear and pushed it down over her hip. "It's only fair. You've seen me naked." Adam stilled her hands as she reached for his boxers. "Wait."

"It wasn't enough."

"So, am I going to ruin your vow of celibacy?"

"It never included you." He let go of her hands and let her in. It was the hardest decision he ever made getting to this point but now he was here it was easy. "Tell me if I hurt you."

"Slow and steady Darlin' Slow and steady." Unexpectedly tears formed in her eyes. "Why are you crying?"

"You called me Darlin', you've got no idea how much I missed that. You've got no idea how much hearing you say that means to me." She kissed him, long and slow and passionately deep. "I love you Adam." Perhaps it was too soon to say it but she didn't want to wait, she didn't want to leave him in any doubt.

"Good to know." It was the best he could do and he felt Kim hesitate a little, while he couldn't tell her what she wanted to hear he at least hoped she was feeling some of it. So he kissed away her tears and invited her to take the lead.

She was gentle and would stop momentarily when he grimaced and because of that it was an exquisitely slow climb to the top. It may have been the best sex they had ever had.

When she climbed off and stretched out beside him he instantly grabbed her arm and made sure it stayed lying across his chest. "I missed you. I missed this moment."

"This moment?'

"Yep, that moment right after making love to you where the whole world just seemed so insignificant."

"Can we stay here forever?" Kim wanted to lie in his arms, put her head on his chest and listen to his heart but she couldn't. His broken ribs and bruising meant that he couldn't stand the weight of her. While the sex had been perfect she knew that he was hurting but he refused to let her stop. It was going to be a while before she got the full force of Adam at his primal best but she could wait. She would wait.

He was playing with her fingers. "We might have to."

"I don't mind."

"Are you tired?" Adam noticed that Kim had closed her eyes momentarily.

"Hmmm, a little. I don't want to go to sleep though." Kim murmured lazily, inching herself closer to him. Adam lifted her hand and kissed her fingers. "I am scared you won't be here when I wake."

"I'll be here."

 _ **A/N: Well, I think this might be the only Ruzek or Burzek joy we will get this week...was this what you all wanted?**_


	17. Bring The Sunshine

"Who do you think they'll send today?" It was a little strange to be acting like nothing happened. All they wanted to do was stay in bed all day but until they had their daily update they were wary. It could happen at anytime, there was no pattern and right now they wanted to keep this latest development to themselves. Not that they were under any illusion that every one of their friends wasn't expecting this to happen. As they had discovered both Erin and Atwater had made sure that the condoms were packed in each of their bags.

"Surely it's Jay's turn." Kim was letting Adam make breakfast and he was cooking scrambled eggs and tomatoes. "I think I am going to put on weight if we have to stay much longer. I need to go for a run or something."

"I can think of some exercise we can do."

Kim made them a coffee while Adam finished off the food. "Well it got my heart racing that's for sure."

"This is good right?"

"What?"

"Us?"

Wrapping her arms gently around his waist she kissed his back. "I think so, I know we've got a long way to go but I'd like to think this is a good thing." The coffee machine beeped and she stepped away. "You should put a shirt on."

"I'm letting my bruises catch some fresh air. It's good for them."

"You are full of shit sometimes." She sat and waited for her breakfast. "Once we've had our visitor you can get fresh air on any part of your body you'd like."

Kim laughed when she opened the door. "Told you so." It was a relief and Kim literally bolted out of the chair when she heard the knock, they had been seriously jumpy all morning and decided that they had to stay away from each other because whenever they were close things started to happen. They were like two horny teenagers.

Jay looked confused as they both laughed. "What's so funny?"

They explained that in desperation they made a game out of everything and they had bet on who was coming today. They were bored and the smallest things amused them, well up until last night anyway now they had something else to do and they were certainly keen to get back to that. They'd been apart for far too long and wasted too much time.

Jay explained to them were they sat at the moment. "We've tracked her down but we don't have much to go on. We've got her under surveillance and she hasn't been anywhere near her husband."

"Fucking just grabbed her up and she'll talk." Adam snapped. He'd had enough of this. "Bring me in, I'll get it out of the bitch."

"Not so fast. We don't want to spook her. If we go early she runs and we don't get her husband. He's a piece of work but he is buried so deep that it's hard to make the link." They'd quickly figured out that it was the husband they wanted and he was a much bigger fish than anyone had suspected.

Adam banged his hands on the table angrily making Kim jump. She wanted to reach out to him but it wasn't the time or the place. "Jesus fucking Christ."

Jay asked to talk to Adam alone, outside. They wanted to put Jay undercover as bait to try and lure her into leaving with him and he wanted to get some Intel on what to expect and anything he could use to reel her in. Kim watched them both through the door and was trying not to freak out. Adam didn't look like he was enjoying the conversation; he was tense and the stress of all this was always bubbling away under the surface despite the shift in their personal relationship. That was something completely separate. Adam tried to give Jay as much information as he could, whether he thought it would help or not. He just wanted this over and done with.

"So." Once Jay felt he had enough he changed the subject. "How's things going here?"

"We haven't killed each other yet." He laughed. "We've hashed a few things out."

"Good things?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Erin's not going to be happy with that. What do I tell her? You've talked?"

"Erin can just cool her jets. We are talking again, isn't that enough? I think the fact we haven't killed each other is a positive."

Jay leant over and whispered. "I smell bullshit." And all Adam did was smile. He was giving them nothing. If they had to stay here, with little else to do they could at least enjoy this game. He knew it would be driving Erin and Atwater in particular insane trying to figure out what was going on.

"Hey Burgess." Kim looked up from doing more bloody dishes as they came back in. "He's not making you do all the work is he?"

"Yes, yes he is." She nodded. "Any idea when I can stop being a house maid and get my life back? I'm a cop not a kitchen bitch."

"A couple of days. Hang tight."

Adam didn't want to talk about his conversation with Jay. He shrugged and told her that he was just checking in and wanting a few details that he thought might make her uncomfortable. Telling her not to worry about it didn't help; of course she was going to worry. "Instead of worrying about that, because trust me there is nothing you or I can do about it how about a shower? You know Will said I shouldn't shower alone?"

"He did not."

"Well, not in so many words but perhaps I am feeling a little light headed and for my peace of mind perhaps you could help a man out."

"You are pathetic." Tossing aside her dishwashing gloves she grabbed his hand a led him through into the bathroom.

"I am all that and my hands and my mouth are still able to function perfectly well."

Halstead wasn't an idiot, he could feel the tension in the apartment and it wasn't a bad kind of tension. Those two had definitely done something but he wasn't one to gossip and it was kind of fun watching Erin and Kev speculating. Them trying to get information out of Al yesterday was bloody funny because Al was completely clueless to what they were hinting at.

"How did they look at each other?" Erin had perched on the edge of his desk expecting some juicy gossip.

"You know, with their eyes I guess."

"Al, come on. Did they look happy?"

"They were happy to see me, but then who isn't. I always bring the sunshine." She threw her hands in the air and gave up.

The problem they were having, well if you could call it a problem was that physically Adam wasn't up to the task and as much as he tried to reassure Kim that he was fine it was obvious that it was hurting him to get too carried away and that was frustrating him. Perhaps that wasn't a bad thing though, despite the absolute pleasure a red-hot sex session would bring it meant they had to take things slow, find other ways to be intimate and talk to each other. This was going to be good for them in the long run.

Hopefully.

What was good for them was the time they spent just being together. They decided that tonight they weren't going to talk about whatever shit they'd done over the past months and focus on how they were making each other feel right now. And how they were feeling was peaceful. They felt comfortable and it was almost like they had jumped right back to before when it all fell apart when they could just relax and not think or worry, when they could watch TV curled up together on the couch and be happy in their world.

It wasn't the time to talk about what happened in the coming days or weeks when they had to face reality and get back to their life. How they were going to manage it was yet to be decided and tonight wasn't the night.

Tonight was just about rediscovering all the things they'd missed about each other.

 _ **A/N: Sorry it's a bit of a filler chapter...I got sick of looking at it trying to make it more interesting and gave up.**_


	18. The Welcome Wagon

Platt wouldn't have been more surprised if she had seen Jesus himself had walked through the door. "Sergeant Platt." The greeting was a little formal but then again he was nervous. Despite all his bravado Sgt Platt did scare the crap out of him.

"Well well, never thought I'd see you grace these halls again?" There was just a hint of bitterness in her voice.

"Thought or hoped?"

"Same thing."

Trudy turned to deal with the patrol officer who had just appeared in front of her with some drunk leaving him to stand aside and wait. So, no one was going to throw out the welcome mat obviously.

"So what's it like? Intelligence? I mean this Ruzek Case is big." Roman had no idea who the two Patrol Officers were that were walking through the foyer but their conversation certainly piqued his interest.

"What's that about?" Roman nodded his head in the direction of the disappearing officers.

"Seeing as you are a civilian you don't expect me to answer that."

"How about as a friend?"

"Pfft, hardly." Platt snorted. "Anyway, to what do I owe this pleasure? I am sure it's not just to shoot the breeze with me."

He decided it was wise to get to the point. "I'm looking for Kim. Is she working today?" That was adding to his nerves, she was the only thing he missed about Chicago and he regretted how they left things. To him it was a little open ended. She was staying, that's what she needed to do and he knew she loved her job but he did hope that perhaps by coming back she might have missed him and if he decided to come back to Chicago he needed to know he had something to come back to.

"No, she's not."

"I called a few weeks ago to let her know I was coming to town. Never heard back."

"Well then." Platt peered over the top of her glasses, clearly not interested in getting into this with Roman.

"I dropped by her place, she's not home." He'd also called her phone several times and sent her a few messages since he'd been in town and got nothing back. Her phone went straight to voice mail. At the very least he expected a message back telling him that she was working or something but he got nothing.

"Nope? Well I guess you are outta luck then."

"Come on Trudy.

"Trudy?" That hadn't won him any favours.

"Sergeant Platt." Even his best smile wasn't melting the crusty desk sergeant and the more Platt looked at him the more it made her skin crawl. "Does this have something to do with Ruzek?"

"Officer Burgess has been detailed to Intelligence for the foreseeable future. That's all I know. You know they don't tell me anything." They both knew it was a lie but Platt wasn't budging an inch.

"I get it. Really? It's always been a little closed shop. You know it was her decision." He had to throw that in there. He did wonder that once he taken off and left her behind somehow this would all turn against him and by the look on Platt's face seems he was right.

"I'm busy, so if you are just here to see Officer Burgess then it's a wasted trip. Burgess is not here nor do I know when she will be back." Platt grabbed her pile of papers and banged them on the desk to even them out before turning her back on her former Patrol Officer. "I have work to do."

Just as he was about to leave her heard the gate open and Atwater stopped suddenly when he saw Roman. He was just about the last person he wanted to see and he felt his hackles rise just a little. As bizarre as these past few weeks had been, and Ruzek's situation was all his own doing he couldn't help but apportion some of the blame onto Roman. If he'd stayed out of Ruzek and Burgess's relationship rather than spend his time white-anting it none of this would be happening.

"Hey Kevin." He almost ran over towards Kev and thrust his hand out so that Atwater had little chance to ignore him. "How ya' doing man?"

"Good." He eyed Platt over his shoulder and she was looking annoyed. "Hey, I gotta go. Good to see you."

"I'll walk out with you." And he fell into step beside him without giving him a chance to say anything. "Hey how's work? You got a case?"

"Yeah. It's busy."

"It's about Ruzek right? Is he okay?"

Like Kevin was going to answer that. "It's a big case and I really do have somewhere to be."

"Hey how about we catch up for a beer at Molly's later?"

"We're still working Man, got no down time at the moment."

Roman put his hand on Atwater's arm; he had to ask. "How's Burgess? I've tried to call her."

"Good, man." This guy didn't give a shit about Ruzek; he was interested to finding out where Burgess was. "She's good."

"What's the big fucking secret?"

Atwater snapped. "The big fucking secret is that I have bigger things to worry about. Burgess not calling you back, not my problem."

Where he had to be was in a van ready for surveillance on this woman. Jay had met her two nights ago but she had been a little wary. While she apparently latched onto Adam the first night maybe because Jay, or Phil as he was now known wasn't quite as drunk as Adam had been she didn't seem all that interested. Erin picked up on his bad mood as soon as he climbed into the van.

"What's eating you?"

"You know Roman was in town?'

"No, what does he want?"

"To see Burgess." He shrugged. "I tried not to get into it."

"Well that's not going to happen."

"Nope." They turned their focus to the task at hand. While they wanted this to be over perhaps another day or two wouldn't be so bad, giving time for those two to sort themselves out and hopefully give Roman a chance to leave again. Both Erin and Atwater discovered that they had a mutual aim, to get these two stubborn assed mules to hash it out and get back together. Roman throwing a spanner in the works was unexpected and they'd be damned if he was going to ruin them again.

Roman found himself at Molly's and the greeting there was slightly more welcoming. Propping himself up at the bar he fell into conversation with Otis and Cruz. "Hey," he asked casually after a couple of beers. "I heard Ruzek's in some trouble?"

"Nah, he's good, they've got some big case on I hear."

"Really?" He waited until another beer appeared. "So, him and Kim hook back up?"

"Nah, last I heard they barely speak." Roman's lip curled into a small smile. It didn't tell him where she was but it gave him some hope that they weren't together. While he knew that her heart wasn't really into him he was hoping that with time it could be. He should never have left.

Something had clicked with both Otis and Cruz the moment he asked about Ruzek. This guy didn't give two shits about Ruzek, everyone knew that and they had surprisingly switched on quickly. It helped that Atwater had been in a few days ago and told him that whatever was going on with Ruzek nobody could talk about it. They had no idea if Ruzek had talked about Molly's or not to these people. They wouldn't know who was asking what questions and for what reason. If anyone did turn up and talk about Ruzek's case they were to let Intelligence know.

As soon as Roman left Cruz gave Atwater the heads up. "Look Man I know it's probably nothing to do with him but Roman was back and in here asking about Ruzek and the trouble he was in and if he and Burgess were together again? You don't think he's involved do you?"

Atwater licked his lips, a habit he had when told things he didn't like. "Nah, but he needs to stay well out of it. You didn't say nothin' did ya?" Cruz assured him that they hadn't given away anything. Kevin was so looking forward to telling Voight that he was back and asking questions because he loved pissing his boss off. Voight and Olinsky had always been more suspicious of Roman than the rest of them.

Once relieved of surveillance Erin took the drive out to the safe house. She'd jumped at the chance to go. On the one had Al & Jay had given her little joy on the relationship progress front and secondly she wanted to give Kim the head's up about Roman and knew that they boys would do it with the subtly of a sledgehammer.

Ruzek sucked some air in between his teeth. "Ouch, how's Halstead handling that?" He had laughed when Erin told him that Jay was having trouble getting anywhere with this woman.

"It's given his ego a bit of a beating. He wants to know how you did it?"

"Ruzek charm." Kim did her best to swallow a laugh but Erin caught it and looked at her strangely. Oh yeah, she thought there were definitely some shenanigans afoot here.

Kim avoided her eyes so she turned back to Ruzek. "Not helpful in this case."

"Maybe it was my desperation that attracted her. Perhaps you should withhold sex for a while until he starts to reek of it."

"Funny guy. How long do you want to stay here?"

Kim leant across the table and grabbed Erin's arm. "You need to get me out of here. I am going insane." She begged. Not quite the truth anymore as things were now looking up but they still hated being locked away.

"Sure. Anyway Voight's losing patience so he could just snap one day and grab her up."

"Here's hoping." Adam agreed. The only place he wanted to see her again was in Voight's cage.

"Anyway. Can I talk to you a minute?" She looked at Kim "Alone."

They headed outside into the small yard, the same way Jay had taken Adam out there. It was the only place you could talk privately. "How are things going really?'

"Okay. We've talked a lot, yelled a lot. It has been ugly at times but I think we'll both walk away with some kind of peace."

Erin just nodded "Whatever." She watched Kim for just a moment. She seemed more relaxed than the last time they spoke. "Anyway you've had a visitor."

Kim knew she wasn't going to like this, she could tell by the look on Erin's face and that could only mean one thing. "Roman?"

Erin nodded.

"He's in Chicago?"

"Yep. He said he called to tell you but you didn't call him back, he's been at your place, into the District and at Molly's asking about you."

Kim was pacing around the small yard. Even being outside she suddenly felt hemmed in. "He called when Adam was in hospital."

"You don't want to talk to him?"

"No."

"Why not?" Erin nodded towards the lounge where Adam was lying listening to some music. "Because of Adam?"

"Yes."

"Because you two are….."

Kim cut her off abruptly. "talking again."

"Oh, okay."

This had thrown her for a total loop. Weeks ago she had decided that she needed to cut Roman out of her life completely. Even though they were barely in contact anymore, the occasional phone call or message but time and distance had given her some perspective along with everyone's input and had made her realise how big a part he played in this mess. "Erin, I don't want to see him or talk to him. He manipulated me and preyed on my vulnerabilities and he was toxic." She held up her hand, kind of like an admission of guilt. She didn't need Erin to say anything right now. "I know, I allowed it to happen but I feel betrayed by him. He didn't do it to be my friend, he did it to ruin my relationship with Adam and get me into his bed and I fell for it hook line and sinker. So no, Erin I do not want to see him or talk to him." She sat down heavily when she finished her rant. "Does he know where I am?"

"No, nobody does."

"Does he know about Adam? I mean that's not really a secret is it?"

"He apparently overheard some Patrol Officers in the foyer mention the Ruzek case so it's got his attention. He's asking questions."

"Of course he is." Kim rubbed her hands up and down her thighs. "I really don't know what he had against Adam."

"Perhaps it was as simple as Adam had what he wanted."

"Me?"

"You and a happy life?"

"Well it's far from a happy life now." The chuckle was painful. "Anyway if you do happen to see him tell him I don't want to see him, talk to him or have anything to do with him so he can just crawl back into whatever hole he came out of and leave me alone."

"You sure?"

"One hundred percent."

"Are you going to tell Adam?" Erin looked back into the apartment and Adam was stretched out on the couch and for the first time in a long time he was looking peaceful.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I am done playing games with him. I am done not talking to him and I am done letting Roman ruin my life."

Erin left her outside, she wanted some space to think while she went in and spoke to Ruzek for a few minutes before leaving. She got the distinct impression that they had made a lot of progress and now if Roman had derailed that again she'd be pissed.

Kim took a couple of minutes to calm herself but she knew the longer she stayed out here the harder it would get and the more Adam would freak out. If he thought she was reluctant to tell him he might think that she was hiding something.

"Adam." She knelt down on the floor beside him and rested her elbows on the edge of the couch. Not being able to put too much physical pressure on him was hard. They had always been pretty physical in the past, always touching each other, using each other for support and she craved that again.

He pulled his ear buds out. " I am not going to like this am I?"

"Probably not." Before she continued she kissed him. "Apparently Roman is back in Chicago and he is looking for me."

"Okay." Was all he said.

"I didn't know he was coming back."

"Does he know where you are?"

"No."

"Do you want to see him?"

"No." she answered without hesitation. "No I don't."

"Okay." He put his ear buds back in and as much as Kim wanted to talk to him he made it quite clear that he wasn't interested. She laid her head on his stomach lightly and the feeling of his hand on her head, stroking her hair gently comforted her. "Kim, it's okay." He eventually spoke.

"Are you sure?"

"You are here with me, I hope this is where you want to be and I am really hanging onto that thought." Adam's voice was very measured despite the fact he was churning inside. "I am trying not to freak out and lose my shit."

"You don't need to, this is where I want to be. This is where I belong, with you." Kim lifted her head and leant on her elbows again, bringing her face close to his. "Adam, I promise you, it's you I need to be with."

"Okay." She wished he would say more. Was he waiting for her to say something else? She wished she knew.

"You know you are kinda scaring me with your silence?'

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. I guess I just want to know that you believe me when I say I don't want anything to do with him."

"I want to believe you."

"But you don't?"

"No, I do." He nodded; he just didn't want to talk about it just yet. He didn't want to say something that he would regret and if he opened his mouth right now he would.

"I was hurt and lonely and I thought he was being a good friend. You know before we did anything I knew it was a mistake but I was drunk and confused. It was stupid." Kim kept her eyes on him no matter how painful it was seeing the hurt in his eyes. "If it helps it was kinda like the first time I had sex, I felt like I'd been jack hammered. It wasn't what you'd call great sex."

"It doesn't help."

"Does it help if I tell you that I have never had sex with anyone that blows my mind quite like you do?" She leant a bit closer so that her lips were just inches from his. "That even you half broken is better than anything I've ever had before. Can I tell you that just the thought of you sends shivers up my spine, like right now.." she kissed him softly, flicking her tongue over his lips "…I'm ready for you, like painfully so."

"That helps."

"I did learn something. I learnt that sex is just sex and you can have that with anyone, but sex with love is something completely different, it's something that feeds your soul, it gives you oxygen. You do that, you feed my soul and I haven't been able to breathe for months."

Grabbing a few strands of hair he wrapped it around his fingers before tucking it behind her ear. "I don't need you to try so hard, I want to move forward. This keeps dragging us back. What's done is done. Okay?"

Erin rolled her eyes and pointed towards the bar when he walked in. Atwater turned in his seat and saw what she was looking at and turned back and raised his eyebrows. "Great." Erin offered to deal with it. They had stopped in briefly for a drink. Jonas was watching the suspect's house tonight with a Patrol Officer. Voight had insisted that they take the night off; it had been 24/7 since this thing started. Jay stayed away though just in case they had eyes on the place. They thought a night or two away from the bar wouldn't make him seem like he was hanging around just for her.

"Roman." She leant on the bar, hooking one foot onto the railing.

"Erin. It's good to see you again. Can I get you a drink?"

Erin held up her glass. "Nah, I'm good thanks."

"Night off. I heard you had a big case?"

"Yep."

"What are you doin' here?"

"It's a free country."

She picked up her drink and turned to leave, suddenly not feeling the need to talk to him anymore. "So I am assuming they are undercover together?"

"Who?"

"Who do you think? Ruzek and Kim."

"Ruzek was badly injured recently, he's on sick leave." Erin didn't feel the need to lie; she just wasn't about to give him the whole story.

"So that's what this is about." He didn't believe a word of it. "What about Kim? She okay?"

"She is, I talked to her this morning."

"Yeah? Where is she?"

"What do you care?"

"Come on, I think we all know why."

"I told her you were back in Chicago."

"And."

Erin turned her head so that she was staring straight into those cold blue eyes of her former colleague. "She doesn't care."

"No? You're lying."

"Ha, you wish. She figured you out long ago. I think she used the words manipulative, liar and toxic. Not the words you want to hear I'm guessing?" Despite trying to hold onto some bravado Erin's words smacked him between the eyes.

"I never told her anything she didn't already know, someone needed to point it out to her."

"Yes you did, you told her that Adam didn't want to marry her and that was a lie. Don't stick around waiting for Kim to come back. It would be a waste of your time. She's not waiting for you, she's not pining for you and she's not interested in you or anything you have to say." She patted him on the shoulder, picked up her drink and headed back to Atwater.

 _ **A/N: He's back...ugh. Why do I do this to myself?**_


	19. A Bronze Medal

We should totally screw with them." Adam was lying on her bed watching her get dressed. He had suggested that she didn't need to put clothes on, that he really wouldn't mind but considering they never quite knew when they would get visitors Kim quite rightly refused.

They did reminisce about the day they did just that, locked the doors, closed all the curtains and spent the whole day completely naked. Snow days were the best days. There was a lot of sex that day.

"That would be mean."

"But fun?" he reached out and managed to grab her around the thigh without too much effort.

Kim eventually nodded, totally loving the feeling of his hand on her bare skin. "It would be fun."

"So much fun." Easing himself up off the bed he kissed her temple as he wandered from the room. She watched him leave, his naked butt slowly disappearing from view. A naked day would be good. Some things had changed, they had learnt valuable lessons about communication and trust and honesty and the undeniable pull of true love but one thing hadn't changed and that was the fact that Adam loved being naked. And for that she was eternally grateful.

Kim was still in her room when she heard a knock on the door and she decided to stay put. "Hey Man." Adam opened the door to Kevin.

"You good?"

"Good enough." He followed Kevin into the apartment. "Where's Burgess?"

"In her room I haven't seen her today."

"Why? What you do?" Kevin narrowed his eyes. They were supposed to be sorting out their shit and this current situation didn't fill him with confidence. It was almost noon and Kim was not the type to lock herself away particularly when someone showed up. They were so desperate for any company they literally fell over themselves to talk to them and make them stay as long as possible. No matter how much they were enjoying their new found intimacy the pair of them were always more than happy to be around other people.

"I didn't do fucking anything." He growled. "She wants to spend the day in her room that's her decision."

"What did you do?"

"Give it up Kev." he waved his arms around wildly. "Be my guest if you want to spin the wheel and knock on her door. Now, please tell me you have something."

"Nah, we had the night off."

"Are you kidding me? A night off? Why?" Well that being pissed him off. As much as the last three days had been almost perfect, sitting around on their asses twiddling their thumbs did not sit well with either of them and the not knowing was frustrating as well. Adam just wanted this done, he wanted these people caught and all this shit put behind him.

Until they found the people responsible they could not move on completely from this part of their lives, they couldn't get to the next part. The part where they got back to the peaceful happy existence they once enjoyed, back to living and back to their dreams they had for their future.

Kevin held up his hand. "Whoa, slow down. Halstead just needed to back off for a bit. Al and Voight watched last night."

"Olinsky and Voight doing surveillance? I'd love to see that." He would love to be a fly on the wall in that van. He often wondered what they would talk about? If they even talked at all? They seemed to have one of those relationships where they could talk or not talk and no one cared either way.

"Now getting back to you and Burgess."

"What about us? We are locked up here and doing our best to get along. We both just want this to be over and to get on with our lives." They really did want to get on with their lives and they knew they had a long way to go but they were filled with hope at least.

Atwater huffed just as Burgess came out of her room. "Hey Burgess."

She barely smiled. "Kevin."

"So you are in a bad mood?"

"I am going insane. Please tell me you've got something."

"Nothing."

"So what is the point of you coming here to tell us that you've got nothing? Seriously? Just once I'd love for you to turn up and say, guess what? You guys can go home."

"I get that this is frustrating."

"Frustrating?" Kim's eyes were cutting him and even Adam cringed a little. "You've got no idea." She turned on her heel and disappeared back into her room, slamming the door behind her. Atwater finished off his coffee and chatted to Ruzek for a while longer about the stakeout and then left them to it. He was so not looking forward to talking to Lindsay because the first thing she would ask was if they had made any progress and he was seriously at a loss to explain the vibe he got today. It was almost like they were way back when they first broke up.

As soon as he left Adam knocked on her door and didn't wait for her to answer before heading in. Kim held out her hand and he lowered himself onto the bed and she rolled over and kissed him. "You seemed pissed." He chuckled.

"I was pissed off that they still had nothing."

"Me too."

"I want this to be over."

"You and me?"

"Don't be stupid Adam. No, I want this to be over for you." Kim slipped her hand up his shirt and her fingers sought out the red raised scar from his stab wound. "I want this to be all in our past."

"Don't worry. I don't want you to worry about it."

"Please let me worry." Kim propped herself up on the pillow. "I never stopped worrying about you, I don't think it's possible but I really want to put this all behind us and figure out what the future holds for us."

"Me too. You know we can't just jump back to the end." Adam tried to roll over so that he was facing her, it wasn't easy but he got there. "We are not going to be planning a wedding anytime soon."

Kim was quiet. Is this what she expected or even wanted? Could she go back to just being with him? Could she go from being his fiancé to just being his girlfriend again? What was the alternative? Not having him at all? That wasn't an option she was even going to contemplate. He had to give her some hope that this was not all they had. "Do you think one day we will?"

"I do."

"Then why wait?"

"Because I don't think you are ready." He certainly had plenty of time to think about what went wrong in the days he lay dying in that filthy hotel and it all seemed to come from this wedding thing. At first she was onto him about setting a date and showing him websites of venues and she eagerly showed him Platt's planning book, which they laughed at mercilessly and then suddenly she was asking him to put it off and not worry about setting a date. Nothing made sense and he was happy to do what she wanted. Looking back now he should have questioned her and pushed her a bit more. That was his mistake and he had beaten himself up over that for months.

"Me?"

"Yes, you. If you really wanted to get married you would never have asked me to push it back." Kim bit her bottom lip. "What is it?" he asked. "Tell me. Why did you do that?"

"It's stupid." The little pause made his heart start to thud. "It's pathetic. After I found out about your other engagement I freaked out and I was told that I should test you. That if you agreed to push back the wedding it would mean that you didn't really want to get married." Saying it out loud made it sound all the more ridiculous. "That in the Olympics that a bronze medal wasn't a bad prize…" her voice tailed off towards the end.

"Did you ever think maybe Nicole was the bronze, Wendy the silver and you were the gold?"

"I wish I had." That thought had never crossed her mind because Roman had undermined her confidence in Adam so much so that she turned everything into a catastrophe.

"I don't think I need to ask who gave you this sage advice?"

Kim wasn't going to lie no matter how much she knew it was going to hurt him. "Roman." She admitted and watched as his eyes clouded over. He didn't look angry but he certainly looked hurt and she could see the exact moment she saw the devastation wash over him, it was like she was being stabbed in the chest and she had no one to blame but herself. He eased himself up off the bed and walked out of the room.

He thought he was ready to hear it, he thought he was strong enough to handle it but he wasn't. All his fears became real and they were still bubbling away under the surface. If she could walk away from him once because someone else got in her ear, what's to say she wouldn't do it again? What would happen the next time he didn't do what she wanted or expected, would she leave him again?

What did he do that made her so unwilling to trust his love for her?

When Kim came out of her room Adam's door was closed and she did consider going in to talk to him but something stopped her. Was she pushing too hard? Was it worth pushing for?

Of course it was, the way they had loved each other lately had proven to both of them that this was worth fighting for but no one said it was going to be easy or for the faint hearted.


	20. Look Familiar

"I've called us an Uber." Phil leant into Carrie when she came back to the bar. He pressed a little kiss behind her ear.

His hands were all over her as they waited on the pavement for their ride. It slid into the curb and Phil held the door open and climbed in beside her. It wasn't a long trip but things got a little hot and heavy quite quickly. He was gritting his teeth and trying to focus on the task. "I can't wait." She unzipped his pants and was just about to slip her hand inside when he grabbed her wrist.

"Wait."

"Come on baby, you've wanted me for weeks." Her breath was hot and sticky on his neck and it took all his energy not to gag.

Suddenly he pulled away and smiled just a little. "This place must look familiar to you?"

The look of shock on her face was priceless as it dawned on her where they were. She'd been played. "What the hell?" She reached for the door handle but it was locked and she couldn't get out, she turned and started swinging her hands wildly at Phil, scratching and screaming at him to let her out.

"There is only one way this is going to end for you sweetheart and it's not great." The driver had swung around in his seat and had his weapon pointed straight at her head. "Give me your phone?"

The building they had pulled up in front of was Adam's building. Atwater perfectly playing the Uber driver and Jay could barely hide the smile on his face when she realised she'd been caught.

Jay snatched the phone from her hand, disabled the GPS and removed the SIM card. "So, sweetheart. You've got a shit load of explaining to do."

"About what?"

"I'll give you one guess."

"Since when has picking someone up in a bar been a crime?"

"Really?" Jay cocked one eye. "You are playing a dangerous game." Atwater got out and pulled her out of the car and slapped on the bracelets a little too tight and she complained that he was hurting her. She started screaming for someone to help her but the street was empty.

"Sorry." Atwater leant into her and whispered. "Did I hurt you?"

A black car slid into the curb and she stupidly thought that maybe they'd help her. Voight and Olinsky strode towards her. Voight had his hands shoved in the arms of his vest and came and stood just inches away from her, getting his face all up in hers. "Hi." He sniggered.

This had been the easy part. It had been smooth but it had taken a while to get to this point, she couldn't resist a hot willing body either apparently. Phil had been a little harder to crack than her usual targets and usually she would have moved on but for some reason he became a bit of a challenge for her.

He'd reeled her in slowly while they scrambled to get anything they could on her to hang herself. When they realised who she was linked to things slowed up a little, there were a lot of moving parts suddenly in play.

The fun was only just beginning though. While they had her and perhaps her husband it still didn't explain why she targeted Ruzek and what the game really was.

Carrie, Janet or whatever her fucking name was thought she was smart, certainly smart enough to cover her tracks and her husband always made sure nothing ever came back on him or her. Without a doubt though, he'd hang her out to dry to save his own ass. Until she crossed Intelligence though and Voight was on a warpath and this was not going to end well for her. "Janet Morris." She took just a second to slip on her poker face and she met his steely gaze. "I gather that's your name. Laura, Carrie. Any others?"

"Who do you want me to be?" She sat forward a little and lowered her voice. It was her defence mechanism; pile on the charm despite knowing there was no way out of this. Terry would sort this out although he was going to be pissed she'd been arrested. His one rule was no cops and it was bad enough that she'd fooled around with Ruzek but he'd dealt with that and warned her not to do it again. She couldn't help herself though and was back out looking for the next wild ride within weeks. She'd asked around about Phil and he seemed harmless. He seemed a bit weak to be a cop.

She just about leapt out of her seat when Voight kicked back his chair and bought his face within inches of hers. "You wanna try that again? You see you made the very foolish mistake of messing with one of my Officers, not once but twice. Seems you just can't help yourself so I hope you've got it out of your system because where you are going things aren't quite so…" he clicked his fingers. "What's the word I am looking for?" He turned to Al who was sitting in the corner. "…let's put it this way. It's slim pickings for you and your need to ride some dick."

"You've got nothing on me."

"Ha, you think your oh so kind husband isn't going to drop you in it? I'm actually surprised you aren't already six foot under. So, for you Sweetheart expect maybe twenty years and I can guarantee within a week you won't be looking quite so pretty." He touched her cheek lightly and she jumped in her seat.

It took all night and an early morning raid to take down her husband. There was zero reason for targeting Ruzek; he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Janet's husband was well aware of her fooling around and as long as it kept her happy and out of his hair he didn't care but when he found out that her latest screw was Police he got spooked. There was the real risk that he would learn way too much so he needed to make him disappear. She had loose lips as well as morals.

Stupidly she also thought that because the two idiots who her husband had paid to get rid of Ruzek were dead that there was no way they could trace it back to her. Her husband was way too careful to leave anything that could be traced back to them and he always managed to clean up her mess with little fuss, but then again she hadn't come up against an Intelligence Unit with a very big axe to grind.

"So?" Adam massaged her shoulders lightly as she sat on the floor in front of him. She had spent far too long yesterday doing the jigsaw puzzle and her muscles were tight. They had finally run out of things to do to occupy the endless hours being stuck here and reluctantly dragged out the ugliest jigsaw puzzle ever. "I have a good feeling about today."

"You've had a good feeling most days, several times a day in fact." Kim rolled her neck as he dug his fingers into her shoulders.

"True." He kissed the back of her neck. "They are getting close. I could feel it yesterday."

"Me too." She swung around to face him. "About that? What do we do?"

'What do you mean?"

"About us?" Adam was a caught off guard a little.

"What? I thought we were going to try and work this out. I thought we had?" He removed his hands. "Well at least that's what I thought? I wasn't just screwing you because I had nothing better to do." Adam spat out bitterly.

Kim jumped up onto her knees. "Adam, of course I want this, more than anything. I love you." She grabbed his hands. "It's just, this has been wonderful, being with you but it's also been a little surreal. All I want is for us to get it right this time. Maybe we can just take a couple of days when we get back just to make sure. Everyone is going to be all over you, Intelligence, your parents. Answering questions about us might be too much. We still have a lot to work out. Let's just make sure."

"I am sure."

"So am I. Trust me Baby." Kim kissed his hands. "We've been holed up here for three weeks, a couple of days that's all I am asking for. Just until things settle down and even out."

"I don't want to be without you." He was worried that she was doing it again, that she was going to pull away from him and it was a terrifying thought. He couldn't go through it again.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"I've had a year of absence." It was the closest her came to telling her he loved her. "So I can't talk to you either? Can I call you?"

"Of course, all the time. And if you don't, I will."

They didn't see Voight until well after lunch. He was actually smiling when he arrived. "What happened?" Kim handed him his cup of coffee and pulled up a seat next to Adam.

"Janet Morris and her husband Terry Dowsett were arrested this morning and charged with soliciting your abduction, assault and depravation of liberty. They were also charged with the solicitation of your murder. Her husband put a hit on you."

"What?" Kim could see that it knocked Adam for six. All she wanted to do was reach out for him but he cut his eyes at her and she held back.

"Why? Why me?"

"Wrong place, wrong time. As far as we know it was purely the fact you were a cop. She'd been screwing around a long time and being the nice husband that he is he didn't care until she hooked up with you. He's got a rap sheet longer than your arm but had always stayed in the shadows, not anymore and we've got a lot of very happy units, narcotics, homicide, DEA and Organised Crime who are very keen to talk to D."

"Makes me feel special."

"Silver lining time?"

Adam nodded. "You've bought down one of the biggest heads of Organised Crime in this state."

"Who knew my dick was so powerful?" Voight looked a little stunned by the comment but chuckled and Kim just scoffed at him. Typical bloody Ruzek to make a joke out of something like this, it was all a front though. This had seriously knocked him on his ass.

Adam asked if they could stay one more night here. It had been agreed right back at the start that he needed to give up his place so he literally had no place to go. He also knew that going back meant answering questions and facing the reality of what had gone down. He needed to wrap his head around it and he needed to stay with Kim while she did too.

Voight had his suspicions about what might be going on but he was not about to say anything. They'd been through a hell in the past six weeks; if they needed to be together to deal with it then he wasn't about to argue. He needed Ruzek back at his desk, in his team with his head screwed on. How he got there he didn't care.

As soon as Voight left Adam fell apart. It was gut wrenching listening to him sob in her arms, he was hanging onto her for dear life, his hands clutching handfuls of her clothes, his head buried in her chest and she felt him struggle breathe. "It's over Baby." She whispered over and over again.

They stayed together until the room went dark and Kim got up and made them something to eat although Adam wasn't particularly hungry. They talked a little bit about heading back home but Adam didn't want to talk about the case, not until they were in bed and the room was dark. Then he told her about the whole experience. He didn't need Kim to talk, she just needed to listen and hold onto him.

He told her about the feeling of having a knife slice through him and how for a brief moment he actually thought it was over for him. It was heartbreaking listening to him talking about how he thought he was going to die, and the pain. It was the first time he talked about how terrifyingly painful it was, how he was horrified the first time he had to piss himself and how he blamed himself for everything. He also talked about how he hated her but still couldn't let go and die because of her.

That had made Kim gasp. It was said so bitterly.

"You kept me alive and I don't know why. You did though, the thought of you kept me alive. Sometimes I thought it was because I didn't want you to have the satisfaction of never having to see me again and see what you'd done and sometimes it was because I didn't want you to be upset, because I thought that maybe it was all a dream and you did still love me."

"It's not a dream Baby."

"No, it was my nightmare."

They headed back to Chicago separately.


	21. Seemed Like A Good Idea

Kim heard the persistent knocking on her door; it was getting more and more urgent and she was getting more and more annoyed. Fortunately she had just gone to bed so her apartment was dark and quiet. She had already spoken to Adam so she knew it wasn't him and she knew that Roman was around. Adam had told her as much when she talked to him just a little while ago.

"Please tell me you didn't get into a fight?"

"Why?"

"I don't want you to get hurt again."

"Trust me Baby, I'd take him. Remember I've got a shit tonne of anger fuelling me." Adam tried to lighten the mood. He didn't want to get into another conversation about this guy. Kim wasn't keen though to let it slide.

"No doubt, but you've also got broken ribs and cheekbone and barely healed stab wounds."

"Oh, you care." He laughed although nothing about Sean Roman still hanging around was amusing. He was like a dead fish that had been lying in the sun too long; it was starting to get a little on the nose.

"Why yes I do, far too much."

"Good to know." He still hadn't told Kim that he loved her although Kim told him all the time. Adam may not have been ready to admit it but Kim wanted to make sure he was left in no doubt how she felt. "Hey I miss you."

"Ditto."

"It feels strange not being with you." Now that he was home from Molly's he was lonely. Catching up with everyone had been a hoot and he did enjoy listening to their easy banter again. He'd missed this a lot lately; he hadn't been around as much as he should have. Perhaps if he hadn't been such a chicken he could have avoided all this angst.

"Remind me why we are doing this?"

"I seem to recall it was your idea." It had been a tough decision but they had been shut away from the real world for almost three weeks and they just needed some clarity. Was this working because it was all they had? Kim suggested that when they got out that they spent a few days apart just to see how they felt although both of them were more than confident that they wanted and needed to be together.

"So I can change my mind."

"Hmmm." She could tell he was falling asleep and if she couldn't fall asleep next to him this was the next best thing.

Not long after she hung up the knocking started.

Eventually it stopped and she hoped that he had decided that she wasn't home. Not that she was under any illusion that this was over, not by a long shot. He'd hung around for almost two weeks now so they suspected that he wasn't going to go away quietly.

Adam had made his way through the crowd at Molly's towards the Intelligence table at the back on the bar. He had been in at the District being debriefed and promised to stop by for a drink on his way home. His home at the moment was at his mother', just until he had the chance to find a new place. "Where's Burgess?" Lindsay asked.

"I am sure I am the last person she wants to see on her first night home."

"I can't believe you didn't sort your shit out."

"Who says we didn't?" He shrugged and gratefully accepted the beer that appeared. "Just because we decided to let sleeping dogs lie that's not a bad thing. We've moved on. What's done is done."

"Do you honestly believe that?"

"Yes, Erin I do." The fun was certainly wearing off this little game. He missed her already.

"What the fuck do you want?" He growled when Roman approached their table. They had seen him come in, his eyes scanning the crowd looking for Kim no doubt and every one of them hoped that he would do the smart thing and walk away. Roman was never known for doing the smart or the right thing though. As far as he knew he hadn't given up trying to find out what was going on and where Kim was. As he walked up to the table they felt all the joy being sucked out of the night.

"Nice to see you too Ruzek."

"Can we help you?" When he made no attempt to leave Adam glared at him.

He was going to try and be civil, offer to buy a beer and just try and go with the flow but Ruzek made it pretty damn obvious that he wasn't welcome and neither did any one else attempt to change his mind. "You seen Kim?"

"I've been out on leave for more than a month."

"With Burgess?"

"No." He accepted another beer from Atwater. Technically he wasn't lying, Kim wasn't on leave, they had swung it so that she was Ruzek's detail and therefore still on the books. Neither of them was quite sure how Voight and Platt managed to get that past the Commander but that meant that right now he didn't have to lie. Kim had been on assignment away from the District, he didn't need to know that it was looking after him.

Adam shrugged before bending down and peering under the table. "Nope, she's obviously not here. Maybe she's working? Why don't you give her a call?" Now he was baiting him, he knew that he'd been calling her constantly and that Kim wasn't answering.

"You know, you're a dick Ruzek?" he snarled. "It may be news to you but you are not the only person who loved her but you were the one that let her go." While that stung, he didn't need to be reminded how he fucked up especially by the one person who he blamed for the whole shit storm but he swallowed it and it felt like razor blades.

"How is San Diego?" He leant back against the wall like he didn't have a care in the world.

"I wanted her to come." Roman had snapped a long time before Ruzek had. The rest of the table was silent. It was an awkward and uncomfortable exchange but they were ready to step in if need be. One thing Ruzek always did possess was a pretty even temper. When he went off the deep end everyone knew about it but it took him a long time and a lot of needling to get him there. This guy wasn't worth the time or the energy.

"Yet she chose to stay in Chicago and be alone rather than go anywhere with you. Go figure that one out."

"So you do know where she is."

"No." He picked up his beer and took a mouthful and turned to Atwater who was sitting opposite him and asked him about the game on the weekend. He was done talking to this guy and everyone else was done too.

Adam picked up his phone as soon as he woke up and dialled her number; it was back where it belonged, in his speed dial. "Hey, Baby I don't like this. Let's do this."

He hadn't even given her a chance to speak. "Adam?" she had barely opened her eyes.

"I missed you. I don't want to wake up without you."

"I missed you too." Rolling over in bed she snuggled down into the pillows for a few more minutes, talking to him as soon as her eyes were open was the next best thing to having him in her bed. "I think Roman came by last night."

"You think?"

"Well someone was banging on my door at all hours." She knew it wasn't Adam but had some faint hope that it might have been anyone but Roman and that she wouldn't have to deal with him.

"Are you okay? Did he leave?"

"He did, eventually."

"Did you talk to him?"

"No, I told you I don't want to talk to him or see him again. I promised you Adam." They had shared some pretty heated words over that. Adam had insisted that he didn't want her to talk to him and while Kim was more than happy never to see him again his possessive demands got her back up a little bit. But like the flash of a match the argument was over in an instant when he told her honestly how he felt, not just some macho bullshit. As far as Adam was concerned he was to blame for the vast majority of the crap they had just been through and wanted to forget he even existed.

"I know, I know. It's just waking up here, alone I am a little freaked out."

"Don't be."

"Tell me this is going to work."

"Adam, this is going to work, this is good. We are doing okay."

As Kim feared, he didn't go away. He was waiting at the District for her, he had positioned himself so that she couldn't sneak in the back door and avoid him not could she use the front entrance. "I'm late." She tried to step around him but he blocked her path.

"Where have you been?"

"Working." Again she tried to get past. "Do you mind I need to get inside?"

He wasn't in the mood for the brush off and Kim saw that explosive temper that he had flash across his face. If only she'd been smart enough to take that into consideration earlier. "Are you screwing Ruzek again?"

"What do you want Roman?"

"To talk to you."

"About what?"

"Us."

Kim couldn't help herself. She laughed in his face. "There is no us, there never really was and there never should've been. It was a mistake and I have regretted every single minute I spent with you and listening to you. You manipulated me and you ruined my life." She was surprised when he grabbed her arm. "Let me go."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I think Kim asked you to let her go." Neither of them had seen Al approach from the parking lot. "So, get your hands off her. Now." Roman dropped his hand and Al stood between them. "Perhaps it's best if you left now. She's got nothing to say to you." He ushered Kim around him and into the building.

"You okay?"

"Yes, thanks Al." she rubbed her arm where he had held on a little tightly.

"Did he ever do that to you before?"

"No. He's got a temper though, I know that much."

"Do you feel unsafe?" Al's voice was always calm and a steadying influence. He had a way about him that made you feel safe and that he was in control.

"No. Thanks Al, I'll be fine. Can we keep this between us? Please?"

"You don't want Ruzek to know?" Kim blushed a little and looked at the floor. How much did Al actually know? Were they kidding themselves thinking that this was some big secret?

"I will tell him later. I don't want anyone going off all half-cocked though."

Al squeezed her hand and nodded. It was funny how things had changed. A few weeks ago no one gave her the time of day and now they were all friendly again. If she didn't think that she deserved their treatment she would have lost it at them and told them all to sod off. But she couldn't blame them, she did treat Adam badly and she was glad that he had people looking out for him when she turned her back on him.

He didn't tell Adam but he did tell Atwater that he should make sure Kim made it home okay. "Why?"

"Roman, he bailed her up outside this morning. He was getting a little physical and I don't think he's done. She doesn't want Ruzek to know."

"What's going on with those two?"

"Not my business." Al shrugged. He knew though, it was the way they looked at each other and their body language. All he had to do was sit and watch them for a few minutes and it was obvious. The rest of these idiots were too busy trying to trip them up by asking too many questions instead of just observing them. He shook his head, for cops they could be pretty clueless sometimes. "I do know he wouldn't want Kim to get hurt, and Roman…" he readjusted his hat. "..I don't trust him."

Atwater actually thought he was being cute and sneaky. He had spent far too much time with Lindsay lately and they had been plotting how to get these two together. Now that they were both back in Chicago they needed to step up their game and this was the perfect opportunity.

It was great timing when Al asked him to make sure Kim got home safely. The fact that Roman had manhandled her had pissed Al off but Kim had begged him not to say anything. Al couldn't care less about why she didn't want Adam to know about her run in with Roman outside the District, he just wanted to make sure she was not in any danger. Ruzek had obviously cared about her well being enough to insist that she was placed in protective custody and she had played a huge role in his recovery so he was willing to let sleeping dogs lie. Coupled with the fact that he really didn't care much about Roman at all. He'd carried on like a petulant schoolboy when he first turned up at the 21st and Al's opinion hadn't really changed.

"Kev, I am fine at home."

"No, you are coming over for dinner and staying with me. At least for tonight. What if he comes back?"

"I won't open the door."

"Whatever." Kevin waved his hand. "Hurry up Burgess. I don't have all night." He folded his arms across his chest and tapped his foot and all Kim could do was shrug her shoulders and pack a bag. While in her bedroom grabbing some clothes she sent a message to Adam. _'Seems like Atwater is taking me hostage tonight and I am having a sleepover.'_

 _'He's cockblocking me'_ Adam had planned to come over much later when everyone had stopped checking up on him like he was a twelve year old. He missed her and he was desperate to see her again, not having her for so long and now getting her back he didn't want to miss one more moment.

A few seconds later he sent her screen shot of a message he just got from Kevin. ' _Beers & pizza. CU at 7. My place.'_

"Hey Burgess." Ruzek added casually when he arrived at Kevin's. "I thought you'd be at home enjoying your peace and quiet?"

"So did I." She was wedged into the sofa beside Vanessa. "Kevin, I think he missed me." She added loud enough for Kevin to hear. Not that Kevin disagreed and told them both as much.

Adam spent the next half hour chatting to Kevin while Kim stayed in the lounge with his sister. They were doing their best to avoid each other and Kevin was doing his best to push them together. He was hardly being subtle and it made them all the more determined to play with him.

When he left them at the table together briefly as he went to grab another couple of beers Adam suddenly jumped and made the whole table rattle when Kim shoved her foot into his groin, massaging him with her foot for a few moments. "Fuck." He reached for the beer bottle that he'd knocked over with his sudden movement. In an attempt to cover up the real reason he frantically tried to mop up the mess as Atwater came back and Kim hid her smile behind her beer.

A few minutes later Adam excused himself to use the bathroom and fired off a quick message. _'Ok, you wanna play games? You kicked me in the nuts, now you need to kiss it better.'_ They had certainly got past any awkwardness they felt and this was somewhere between foreplay and phone sex.

Kim felt her phone buzz in her pocket but wasn't stupid enough to look at it. Kevin was watching them both and they were getting a little carried away. When she did read it, it made her gasp. Adam was back in the room by that stage and managed to keep a straight face. "Good news?" he asked absolutely deadpanned.

"Nicole is freaking out, Zoe's losing the plot and wants to get her tongue pierced." She lied smoothly as she sent back another message. _'Can't wait. Will you repay the favour?'_

Although it wasn't quite a lie, Zoe did want to get her tongue pierced but Nicole had freaked out hours ago.

"So.." Kevin dropped down on the sofa beside Kim and threw his feet up on the table. "Tomorrow night, we are hitting up Molly's. You in?"

"I'm not sure Kev, Nicole wants me to come up and stay with her for the weekend. I think she is counting on me to talk Zoe down."

"That's cool. I don't need to worry about protecting you then." As soon as the words came out of his mouth he regretted them but then seeing both of their reactions he decided to throw caution to the wind and go for it. Kim glared at him and Adam's head snapped up from the computer game he was currently playing with Jordan, and losing horribly in the process.

"I don't need protection. Did Al put you up to this?"

"No." He bit his bottom lip nervously. "Well perhaps a little bit."

"Jesus, I told him I was fine."

"But you know Al, he didn't like seeing you being accosted and man handled."

"What?" Although Adam felt like he didn't really need to ask. Fucking Sean Roman.

"Adam, don't worry about it." Kim folded her arms across her chest and looked at Atwater and he actually felt himself shrivel up inside just a little. She may be little but she was fierce. "Roman turned up at the District this morning."

"And?"

"And what?"

Adam pointed at Atwater, who was suddenly wishing he'd kept his mouth shut but then again the way they were reacting proved to him that this was a big deal and for it to be a big deal as far as he was concerned meant that they were a lot closer than they made out. "Accosted and man handled? I am just going to assume that Atwater isn't over reacting or being an hysterical little girl."

"He is being over dramatic. Roman turned up, I told him I don't want to talk to him, he wasn't happy and then Al came by and that was the end of it."

Kevin suddenly felt the need to vacate the room and urged Jordan and Vanessa to come with him and leave these two alone. Once he convinced them to quit whining and disappear Adam sat on the coffee table in front of Kim. He kept his voice low. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to worry. It was nothing."

"Did he touch you?"

"He grabbed my arm." She admitted. "He said he wanted to talk about us, like him and I and I told him there was no us and that I regretted ever having anything to do with him. He didn't take it well."

"Did he hurt you?"

"No, Al came along and that was that. Adam please don't do anything stupid. I don't care about Roman, I care about you and I don't want you to get hurt again by going after him."

"I'm not happy." He rested his hand lightly on her knee; perhaps because he was spinning out a little and he needed to touch her to make it seem real, to make sure she was still here with him. He didn't want to feel like this, jealousy had never been his thing and even that day he tore into them at the District he hated himself for it but then she never even gave him a chance to apologise. He'd driven her into that fuckers arms and it took him a long time to get over it. "I don't want him around you."

Kim leant forward so she could keep her voice low. "Adam, Baby. It's you; it's always been you. It always will be you."

"If he touches you again, I don't care how much it will hurt me, I will fucking deck him."

Kim ran her hand up his thigh; she couldn't stop herself. "You know that is low key getting me all worked up you being all alpha male."

Adam tilted his head back and groaned a little as he stared at the ceiling trying to control himself.

"Pity about Kev and his cock blocking behaviour."

"It's funny I think his idea was to get us together but all he has done is stopped us."

Adam heard Kev coming down the stairs; the guy was like a bull in a china shop. He leant in quickly and whispered in her ear. He then jumped up from the table before Kev could catch them together. Kevin took one look at the expression on Kim's face and was a little confused. Adam had walked out of the room and Kim looked like she'd seen a ghost and then a single tear slid down her cheek.


	22. Somewhere To Hang Your Hat

"What'd you do?" Kevin turned and followed Adam out of the lounge. "It's not her fault Roman is being a dick."

"I know Kevin." Adam was more than a little frustrated. One he wanted to beat the shit out of Roman, and two he wanted to comfort Kim. He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and kiss her and tell her that it was going to be okay. And he had wanted to tell her he loved her again because he always liked the way that felt on his lips, so he did. "I didn't do anything."

"Dude, why is she crying?"

" _Because I told her I loved her for the first time in months and you are cock blocking me tonight."_

That's what Adam wanted to say anyway, it wasn't what came out of his mouth though. "Ask Kim." Was all he said and Kevin looked like he was about to hit him. He loved this guy but Jesus he was the most frustrating individual he knew when it came to sorting his shit out.

"Dude."

"Kev, how about you stop Dude-ing me and stop interfering. I know what you are trying to do but it 'aint gonna work."

"For Fuck's sake, you two." He threw his hands up in the air. "What do I have to do to get you to sort your shit out? You were locked in an apartment for three weeks and you couldn't figure out that she still loves you. And I know you never stopped so what is the problem?"

"Chill out and back off Kevin."

"Adam." Kim had slipped quietly into the kitchen and put her hand on his arm "Stop."

"What?" He was so over this, he just wanted to get on with his life with Kim but this was just another thing that was stopping them. This hiding their relationship, coming back and pretending that they hadn't just spent the past three weeks putting all this shit in their past and showing everyone that they were happy again was tiring. He didn't have the energy to do it anymore.

"Stop this." Kim hated to hear Kev and Adam fight. "I don't need you two fighting about me."

"We're not fighting." Kevin held up his hands in defeat. "I just want to see you two happy again. You were only happy when you were with each other. Why can't you see that?"

"We are happy." Kim smiled a little and Adam understood her precisely. She was over it too, they needed to stop this and just be together. Her gentle smile and squeeze of his arm gave him the green light.

"Well we would be if you weren't too busy cock blocking me right now." Adam added helpfully when Kevin really didn't seem to understand what was going on.

"Yeah?" a smile finally spread across Kevin's face. "Really?"

"Really, so this little show, while it has been amusing to watch is completely unnecessary." Adam seriously couldn't be happier that it was out in the open and they could stop all this nonsense.

"So, if you don't mind Kev I am going to go home, sleep in my own bed and take Adam with me. He'll keep me safe I promise. He always has." She grabbed Adam's hand and led him out of the kitchen and Adam shot Kevin a cheeky grin and winked at him.

Kim grabbed her bag and headed out to her car. Atwater followed them and just before Adam got in his car he put his hand on his arm to stop him. "This is good, right?"

"This is good Kev. Don't worry, I just about got myself killed because I couldn't stop loving her and I am not going to let that happen again. This is it for me. I know that, I've always known that."

"And all that other shit?"

"We've talked about it, we've yelled and screamed and hurt each other but it's done, it's in the past and we've decided to move on, put it behind us and do what we need to do. We need to love each other and be together."

Being woken up by the almost urgent kisses of the woman you loved was probably as close to heaven as Adam was going to get, especially with the direction she was presently travelling.

Kim heard him groan and lifted her head and crawled back up the bed. "Good Morning." she sucked on his bottom lip as his hand found the back of her neck and he massaged it lightly.

"It was about to be."

"This is better though right." She kissed him again.

"Too close to call." He let go of her neck, ran his hand over her back and grabbed a handful of her bare ass. "Why are you so happy this morning?"

"Because of what you said last night."

"Which time?"

"Every single time you told me that you loved me, but especially the first time." Kim wriggled her way free and flipped one leg over him and sat astride. To date they only had been able to have sex this way because Adam was still a bit tender and restricted. That hadn't stopped them though, there were plenty of places you could have sex that didn't involve both of you being horizontal. "I feel like this is the first day of the rest of our lives."

"It is?"

"I really do think so. Don't you?"

He surprised Kim by flipping her over. Sure she noticed the grimace on his face but there was also a sense of determination about him and Kim knew there was no way she could stop him doing what he wanted to do. And he did it so well.

"I'm hungry." Kim whispered as she was now curled up tightly into his side.

"Of course you are." Adam laughed just a little. His breathing had taken a little while to return to normal and when Kim asked him if he was in pain he just told her 'not any more' and hugged her closer. He didn't care about the physical pain anymore because as long as the emotional pain was gone the rest was a walk in the park. "Let me guess? You want bagels?"

"Oh yes."

"And you want me to go and get them?"

"You'd do that for me?"

"Yes." Kim moved away and excitedly clapped her hands. "On one condition? You stay in bed and stay naked."

"We'll get crumbs in the bed."

"Don't care." He leant over and kissed her quickly before ferreting around for his clothes that had been haphazardly discarded by Kim when they got home from Kevin's last night. They had sat in bed and laughed at the stunned look on Kevin's face when it finally dawned on him what they were talking about.

"How long do you think it took Kevin to call the others?" Kim came back into the bedroom with a tub of ice-cream and one spoon. It was comforting how quickly they had returned to their pre-split rituals. It was always one spoon and they would pass it back and forward between them as they demolished the tub.

"I think we can safely say that by the time we got home that message was well and truly doing the rounds." He licked the spoon slowly and Kim felt herself almost whimpering in anticipation. "And I'd say by the time we finish this." He held up the spoon. "And you finish this.." he nodded towards his groin. "…our phones will be lit up like Christmas."

"I checked my phone when I went and got the ice-cream." Kim giggled. "Erin had already called."

"I am glad people find our sex life so interesting."

"I am glad our sex life _is_ this interesting."

Adam grabbed his phone and slipped his wallet into his back pocket. He hunted around for Kim's keys so he could get back in because there was no way he was leaving her door unlocked. One thing he did notice about himself was that he was far more conscious of personal safety now. He had always been a 'whatever' type of guy and happy to walk the streets at anytime and leave doors unlocked believing in his ability to protect himself. It was obviously misplaced. He had always been far more concerned that Kim was keeping her doors locked than his own.

Letting himself back into Kim's building Adam was paying little attention to what was going on until he rounded the corner and saw him standing in the hallway banging on her door. "Kim open the fucking door. I know you are in there, I saw Ruzek leave."

Adam dropped the bag of bagels on the floor took three quick steps towards Roman and just as he heard him approach and turned Adam slammed his fist into his face. He staggered backwards and shook his head to gather his wits but he wasn't quick enough and Adam managed to get one more quick shot off and set him on this ass. He picked up his bag of bagels, unlocked Kim's door and closed it firmly behind him.

Adam hadn't said a word; he didn't want to ever speak to this guy again or talk about him anymore. This closed that door permanently. It was in his past and he hoped that it was in Kim's as well.

Kim was beside herself. The banging on her door started a few minutes after Adam left, fortunately he wasn't gone long. The bakery was on the corner and he was also keen to get back to Kim, he wanted to make the most of every single second they were together. "Are you okay?"

"I am fine. He didn't touch me." He shook his hand. "My hand hurts though."

"Adam, please don't hurt yourself."

"It was worth it." He hugged her to his chest with his good hand and kissed the top of her head. "Got any ice?"

Kim pulled some ice from her freezer wrapped it up in a cloth and pressed it against his throbbing knuckles. They both ignored, as best they could the banging on the door. Roman was pissed and it took all of Kim's strength and negotiating skills to stop Adam from opening the door and having another go especially when he called Kim a "fucking manipulative bitch."

"No Adam, stop. I don't care." She begged him as he threw the icepack on the bench and tried to get past Kim to the door. "Just leave it, it's not worth it."

"It is worth it."

"All I care about it that you are here, with me. That part of our life is over, I want it to be over. Let it go." Her hand was on this chest and she could feel it rising and falling in short sharp breaths. "This is what we decided to do, put it in our past."

Adam held her against his chest and whispered how much he loved her in her ear as Roman hurled expletives and pounded on the door. "I'm not letting you go again." Adam reassured her. "I love you so much." His head snapped up when the yelling started again but this time Adam recognised the second voice. "You called Kev?"

"Yes. I didn't know how far away you were and I was scared you were going to get hurt or do something stupid."

He told Kim as she went to open the door when Kevin knocked and told Kim to open up. "I did, I was stupid. I didn't hit him three times." Adam grabbed the ice pack again and rested it on his throbbing knuckles. You'd think he been used to the pain of physical injuries now, lord knows every single part of his body had been through the wringer lately but this was pissing him off.

"All clear. He's got his tail between his legs and a couple of black eyes to look forward too." Kev pushed his way past Kim, smiling his bright smile. He spied the ice pack on Ruzek's hand. "You okay? He was whining that you hit him, just before I did."

"I did hit him, twice."

"Good and proper by the looks of it?"

"Good enough. Sat him on his ass."

Kim interrupted. "Okay, as amusing as this macho conversation is, are you sure he's gone?"

"He's gone from the building, not sure if he's outside though, he'd be stupid to hang around. I know he hated Intelligence but I am pretty sure he's not stupid enough to take us on." Atwater always had their backs, even though Kim had shaken their friendship for a while. "Now I am not sure staying here is the best option. You don't have 24hour protection anymore."

"I am not hiding Kev, not from him."

Adam wasn't adding anything to the conversation he was standing at the kitchen counter sorting out the bagels, although it wasn't that easy to cut them in half with a damaged hand. He was starting to worry that he might have broken something and that would just top this morning off perfectly. He'd had such high hopes of spending the day with Kim in their own little bubble and start to sort out where they went from here.

Adam still had a few more weeks before he was passed for full duty and a setback with a hand injury wasn't appealing, although hitting Roman had been very satisfying. He had wanted to do that since the day he had stood in the bullpen and offered him his hand to shake when he was leaving. It took all his willpower not to take a swing that day and looking back now he wish he had. It couldn't have made things any worse.

"Yes she does." Adam finally spoke.

"You are a bit of a liability bro."

"Bro." he shoved the bagels in the toaster. "I just dropped him on his ass."

"Fair point." Kev rested his hands on Kim's shoulders. "You be okay?"

"Yes, thanks Kev. I appreciate you coming over."

Kim stood by the door once she let Kevin out and watched Adam in the kitchen. "You can't stay here. Kevin's right." Adam spoke without really looking up from the bench.

"He's not forcing me out of my own home."

"Normally I would agree with you." Adam had gotten the cream cheese from the fridge and a plate from the cupboard and was concentrating on what he was doing. His mind had been a swirl since the whole thought popped into his head, it felt right. "But lately I've realised home is just somewhere to hang your hat. You can hang your hat anywhere."

"This is my home."

"No it's not. This is just a building. Your home is with me."

"With you?" Kim wasn't sure she heard him right.

Adam bought the plate of bagels through to the lounge and stopped in front of Kim. "Your place is with me, you and I belong together. You know it and so do I. This is it for me; you are it. We need to find our own place and as you said this is the first day of the rest of our lives." He bent down and kissed her stunned face. "Now eat your bagels. I want to take you back to our bed."

 _ **A/N: Bad News readers...this is the end. It was fun to write and finish it off considering I started it way back when I was annoyed with how the writers had turned Kim into an idiot.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading, liking, encouraging & reviewing. Your support is greatly appreciated.**_


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